I want to let you in on a secret…
After writing my first book The Breaking point; A Full Circle Journey, I realized that my 4 B’s principle is applicable to one’s personal and business relationships.
Today I’d like to concentrate on the personal as it relates to dating. Dating can be exciting just as it can be complicated. The 4 B’s does not guarantee that you won’t kiss a few frogs but it does provide the tools that will prevent toxic patterns.
Are you ready to disconnect from toxic patterns? Are you open to take a deeper look at self? Can you acknowledge your fears and past pains? Are you ready to date with a purpose?
Breaking up with someone or something can be challenging specifically if we are emotionally attached, or we are allowing fear to hold our authenticity hostage. The first essential breakup could be with self. What I mean by this statement is we can often be very toxic to self by negative self talk, choosing the same toxic pattern of people to date, and lack of self worth and value.
A “self breakup” is positive when you breakup with self in order to be your authentic self. A self breakup is not beneficial when you break up with self in order to be someone you’re not in order to please others.
The second essential breakup is when you make the decision to breakup with toxic relationships that don’t serve you. Many people enter dating relationships and haven’t gone through the process of breaking up from present/past toxic relationships.
In turn they bring baggage into that first date or into a potential relationship. In order for you to be prepared to have a healthy dating life, consider these steps:
- Reflect on self; are you being honest with self and willing to challenge yourself to embrace new perspectives?
- Turn the negative self talk into positive affirmations. It helps to look in a mirror while doing this.
- Delete Toxic relationships and reset with positive relationships
Breakdown the barriers and surrender to vulnerability. Once you make the decision to breakup from toxic people or situations, you will be ready to do the self work and surrender to being truly who you are. Not what others want you to be i.e family, social media or friends.
Many times you go on a date and you have a huge wall up or you have disconnected from simply being the unique you. Taking down those walls don’t mean that you expose everything about yourself on the first date. If you don’t know who you are or have welcomed the process of taking that journey then being yourself will be impossible.
If you are tired of the same dating patterns and wonder why you continue to choose the same type of person time and time again, change yourself, get healthy and I promise you that healthy attracts healthy.
- Restructure your relationships
- Conquer the issues one by one.
- Divorce drama
- Be honest with yourself and those around you
You can’t spell breakthrough without break and you can’t spell through without spelling the word rough.In order to have a breakthrough, you must have experienced a break in relationship, situation, or in emotions. The “through”is facing the fears of the future and the pains of the past by using your inner strength to pull through the rough of it.
When you have faced your fears and made peace with your past pains, you show up differently on a date and in a relationship. Haven’t you ever felt fearful that if that person knew the true you that you would be met by rejection?
Have you declined a date because you were afraid that you would be disappointed like you were on past dates? If this sounds similar then consider these tips before you begin your dating journey:
- Forgive everything, specifically yourself
- Be thankful for every trial, because it will result in many lessons learned.
- Be prepared to take a risk. Fear prevents you from progressing
- Take control of your life; people will either walk away or adapt your stand.
Breakout into purpose! What’s the purpose of you choosing to date? Will finding a healthy relationship change your life?
I believe that when an individual decides to date, they should identify what’s the purpose for dating. Is it to get married? Is it to just have a great relationship for a season? Is it to have companionship with no exclusivity?
Whatever the reason, you have to identify that before dating. Often time’s people have different goals regarding dating and if both parties aren’t clear on what those goals are, feelings can be hurt and motives misunderstood. Use these tips in order to prepare to breakout into a purposeful dating experience:
- Preparation yourself for a healthy relationship
- Clarity of dating goals
- Take a leap
Allow the 4B’s to change the way you think about dating!
About The Author
Dr. Michelle R. Hannah, through her life’s medical challenges and overwhelming love for humanity and the health and well-being of women, is among the most influential women today. Michelle’s family, education, and personality molded her for life as a resounding voice for women, particularly in areas of health and wellness, evidenced by her fight against cervical cancer and human papillomavirus (HPV).
She has coached marriage and family counselors on creating a deeper connection with their clients and wrote curriculum for their workshops, seminars and group sessions.
Michelle’s successful career in public speaking spans over 15 years. In 2013, Michelle’s book The Breaking Point: A Full-Circle Journey was followed by a workbook. Michelle will release her third book 2019, The Vows. Michelle has helped many couples stay together and live their best life. You can follow her on Instagram or check out her website.