The First Encounter ( seeing the ex for the first time after a break up)[1]

We’ve all gotta love this bombshell when it hits us, it’s like this unexpected but inevitable meeting that we hope will come at the right time (which is of course is when we look fabulous, not hung-over with last night’s make-up on!)*

But of course nothing truly prepares us for that first #AwkwardTurtle moment when we “bump” into them , I mean seriously did they not get the memo that they were meant to move countries due to the totally acceptable fact and all territory in this one belonged to you ?!

It can be a casual as walking down the street, grabbing a coffee; turn the corner and then BAM he just happens to be there (like a ninja waiting to pounce on your feelings damn him!)

*NB: note to self, always look like I have just stepped off Paris fashion week runway . Excellent notion.

The Greeting

And so the strained conversation starts, the greeting is usually both of you speaking at once trying to ask and answer each other’s questions at the same time and saying things like “good” when he says “hello” and then you have to back track and say “oh I mean hello I’m good, great actually, never been better, hello, um did I mention I’m good…” (awkward silence afterwards with mental forehead slap to yourself !)

It’s in this casual yet strained greeting where we feel like we need to get the point across that we are frickin’ fantastic , kicking goals, travelling the world, buying houses , going to lavish parties and everybody wants to be our friend because we are oh- so- fabulous  (not that he ever noticed!)

Hmmm justifying much? Keep it simple, keep it casual, don’t embellish the truth, just only tell him all the good stuff and have a positive vibe and be CONFIDENT in yourself.

The Gory Details

This is the danger zone, ask too many questions and you may hear things you didn’t want to know like: “I’m seeing this great girl” or “Yeah I’m engaged” Bastard!

Didn’t he get the second memo that he was meant to remain single and celebrant and miserable for the rest of your life?! Make it a rule; don’t ask him if he is seeing anyone new, chances are you won’t like the answer.

Chat about light subjects like the weather, work, family, the weather again…cough* Guaranteed there will be some of those delightful awkward silences and repeating the same words “ great “ and “good” a lot, but the good news is it’s probably just as uncomfortable for him as it is for you .

Should we hug goodbye?

Hmm it depends how you ended the relationship, if you are on good terms or if you think it is appropriate. The only more awkward thing then a jumbled hello/good conversation is the embarrassing; should-we-hug-or-cheek-kiss?!

Ugh we’ve all been there, where it just goes wrong and turns into this cringe worthy half hug, half kiss, let’s throw in a fake laugh and pretend that never happened and both mentally agree to block that from our memory for all eternity!

Stick to just a wave and “gotta go, really busy, really important” kind of excuse, leave him hanging a bit and keep a mystery about yourself. If it’s over then there doesn’t need to be any affection or unnecessary emotional farewell, keep it simple, short, light, save your meltdown and over analysing for your girlfriends!

What now?( The Aftermath )

Ok , so your brain and emotions has probably gone into overdrive, get on the phone to your closest girlfriend and go hell for leather telling her every little intricate detail , because let’s face it, we already made a mental note of everything so we could pick it to pieces afterwards!


Stick to the no contact rule, it’s so easy to just slip up and be like : “ hey, was great seeing you today, lets catch up sometime” what?! NO!

Why would you need to follow anything up let alone catch up, a break up is just that. If he wants to contact you then let him do the work, be sensible not emotional. This “chance” meeting could mean a million things, but it could also mean nothing, so don’t lose perspective and don’t go backwards.

Cry if you need to, vent, replay, and analyse if you must to feel better, but don’t get so focused on it that it distracts you from moving forward with your life and heart. The worst is over and you have come out the other side in one piece ( well after some gluing ), perhaps you can co-exist in the same country after all.


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *