The Four Intimacies You Need For A Deeper Connection

Have you ever felt that something was missing from your relationship but you just didn’t know what?

Are you searching for a deeper emotional connection with your partner? Is your physical intimacy lacking passion? Are you lacking a spiritual connection with your partner? If you can relate to one or all of these questions I encourage you to keep reading, HELP is on the way!

There are 8 intimacies but we will focus on emotional, intellectual, spiritually and physical intimacies.

I have found over the years that many relationships suffer from infidelity, emotional disconnect, lack of communication or feeling disconnected spiritually. The common denominator is that all four intimacies have not been defined nor nurtured in their relationship.

By the time they come to me, they are barely hanging on to their commitment to one another.

Allow me to define and provide tips on how to implement and enhance these intimacies in your relationship.

Trust and intimacy are at the core of love. You can’t love someone you don’t trust. When you are truly open to being intimate, you want to connect with your partner emotionally, physically, spiritually, and intellectually. I am baffled by clients who say they are deeply in love, but they are not emotionally intimate and have a long list of trust issues.

  • Trust that you love and accept each other as you are
  • your own personal work that will lead to reaching your full potential in trusting someone.
  • Trust that both of you will not abandon each other through conflict, adversity or speaking your truth.

Intimacy is the experience of connection to another person. If you are scared that someone will truly see you, then you are blocking intimacy: knowing and being deeply known with all your vulnerabilities, flaws, and fears exposed. Intimacy is at the core of love and friendship; it is a closeness made up of sharing and understanding. When you are not afraid to let go, you are no longer inhibited.

Many people feel a need to be in control of everything. You might believe that control will make you safe and strong and prevent all disappointment. Once you surrender to vulnerability, you realize that it is surprisingly safe.

According to, emotional intimacy is a psychological state that occurs when the trust and communication level between people fosters the mutual sharing of each other’s innermost selves.

Emotional Intimacy

It is unbridled mutual self-disclosure. When you and another person choose to take your guard down and share yourselves, a deeper level of trust is birthed. As with anything new and deep, it takes time to grow and build from level to level. It’s a process to reveal our true selves.

We reveal aspects of ourselves through time as trust builds and we become sure that our partner accepts us no matter what. Once we know that, we no longer want to hide behind a false self.

  • Embrace Vulnerability
  • No judgment for mutual self disclosure

Spiritual Intimacy

Don Harvey, author of The Spiritually Intimate, defines spiritual intimacy as being able to share your spiritual self, find this reciprocated, and have a sense of union with your mate. Spiritual intimacy is immensely powerful, and it energizes all other facets of a marriage.

If you share spiritual intimacy it will cultivate oneness between you and your mate and provide a meaningful sense of purpose.

Physical Intimacy

Physical intimacy is a sexual, sensual, physical connection in which you share reactions, thoughts, emotions, and inhibitions. This connection can include behaviors such as kissing, holding hands,hugging,caressing, and sexual activity. Physical intimacy is not just being physical; remember that it’s a form of intimacy.

This means communication is vital; you have to talk to one another about what pleases you and what displeases you. It’s so much deeper than just the act of having sex. When you love someone, being physical with them is an exciting and adventurous exploration of their bodily journey.

  • Be open and honest
  • Be willing to be adventurous
  • Reinvent your physical intimacy when needed

Intellectual Intimacy

Intellectual intimacy is comfortably sharing ideas, goals, and visions with one another and communicating about the similarities and differences. If you can do this in a comfortable manner, then you can experience a deep level of intellectual intimacy. It is important not to judge one another for your ideas, thoughts, goals, and visions because when judgment is present, openness cannot shine. Of course, you might not agree with all of your partner’s beliefs and thoughts, but the gift of freedom to share is priceless.

  • Differences are good because they allow us to see things from a totally new perspective.
  • Intellectual intimacy happens when there is no fear of being demeaned or dismissed.

Now that we have defined the 4 intimacies, reflect on the definitions and start implementing the tips today.


About The Author

Dr. Michelle R. Hannah, through her life’s medical challenges and overwhelming love for humanity and the health and well-being of women, is among the most influential women today. Michelle’s family, education, and personality molded her for life as a resounding voice for women, particularly in areas of health and wellness, evidenced by her fight against cervical cancer and human papillomavirus (HPV).
She has coached marriage and family counselors on creating a deeper connection with their clients and wrote curriculum for their workshops, seminars and group sessions.

Michelle’s successful career in public speaking spans over 15 years. In 2013, Michelle’s book The Breaking Point: A Full-Circle Journey was followed by a workbook. Michelle will release her third book 2019, The Vows. Michelle has helped many couples stay together and live their best life. You can follow her on Instagram or check out her website.


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