The Great Debate: “break up” v.s. “on a break”


It’s a tough question nowadays that everyone seems to have a difference of opinion on: do we break up or do we take a break?

With the growing rate of divorce it can be quite difficult to navigate your way through a tough period of your relationship without comparing it to the outcome of everyone else’s.

Relationships require a lot of consistent hard work and attention daily however they aren’t meant to be a constant struggle. Guaranteed you will go through ups and downs, but it’s about not losing sight of the bigger picture just because the present circumstances aren’t ideal.

So before you make the choice to throw your relationship (or husband) out the window here’s a few thought provokers:

Is it black and white?

For some people they see it as a make or break situation, and sometimes it doesn’t even have to get that bad before they decide “it just isn’t working”. The thing is there are no set rules, as each relationship and couple are totally different from the next (hence why we shouldn’t compare ourselves to The Jones’).

Certain circumstances are totally black and white, and a break up is the only option because ‘taking a break’ doesn’t make sense and would have no positive affect.

Unfortunately there isn’t a fairy godmother telling us what we should do , it really comes down to a mutual decision between you and your partner, the important thing to remember though is to not make that decision based just on a current emotional state , try to take a few days before you make a choice.

Our lovely female minds (and hormones!) like to take control of our heart and mouth sometimes and we can become dare I say a little rash or dramatic and forget the bigger picture.

The grey area

Alas this can also be known as limbo land and sometimes can be even more confusing then a rubix cube. If you decide to go on a break then certain boundaries need to be set so that there is no misunderstanding or wrong expectations between you two.

A time frame usually helps as well not because it’s about placing restrictions but rather having a goal to work towards. Sometimes we need to have time and space alone to realise what we had and what needs to be changed in ourselves or the circumstance so that it can be healthy and happy.

I have known a few marriages where a break was necessary for the couple to finally move ahead , fall in love with each other again and get though the difficult period.

But in saying this, each couple I knew were very clear about why they were on a break; in essence there was purpose and respect of their time apart and neither party was hurt or misled.

Guaranteed there will be feelings of insecurity, anxiety and sadness and it’s important to keep in mind the bigger picture as this is not about manipulating your partner or cutting them out of your life, it’s about taking time and space to see if you can resolve the issues.

Make up or wake up?

The more people know your business the harder it will to make clearer decisions, because a lot of unwanted opinions and advice can be very confusing and also very damaging.

Whatever you and your partner decide should be kept between the two of you and not the whole world…this includes Facebook! Until you have BOTH come to an agreement to go public with the news of a separation, don’t feel like you have to say anything to anyone, it’s none of their business.

Some people see “a break” as a lame excuse and you should just either “work it out” or “break up” … for them there is no in between.

But everyone works and reacts differently and sometimes separating from someone for even a short period brings more clarity to either break-up or make up permanently. It’s amazing how time and space can put things into perspective, and remember separating doesn’t have to end in divorce.

For myself I would always try to stay and work things out unless it got so bad that the only healthy option was some time apart for us to work and heal ourselves separately with the intention of once again coming together to make our relationship progress. And remember the rule: take it one day at a time.

1 Comment

  • Kat says:

    I usually just break up, because it takes me much more energy and time to restore an exisitng relationship and get it back to the previous level, than to start investing my time and emotions into a new one. But I guess this doesn’t really work for everyone.

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