The New Sexy: Men Over 40
I’m single and in my 40s. At my age, the dating game is daunting. Gone are the days where you met someone at a bar with girlfriends. Today you meet on the digital landscape. It’s oddly weird and wonderful, on so many levels. You can meet for a relationship, friendship or for more explicit reasons. It’s entirely up to you.
As a woman searching for love, in all the wrong places, I put myself out there on a few dating sites. When a guy over 40 checked out my dating profile, the first thought that popped into my head was “too old”– and I moved on to the next profile.
Recently I shared this revelation with my friend Michelle, who is in her 30’s, and she challenged me:
“You’re over 40, Caria, so why do you date younger men, but not men your own age?”
I explained that I’ve always been attracted to younger men. But it definitely made me wonder: why do women my age go for younger men?
To test the murky waters, I switched the age range to an upper limit of 55. WOW was I pleasantly surprised! It was like entering a secret vortex of hot-blooded manscape.
Men over 40.
In an uncharted territory I felt like the first pioneer, and these lands are certainly exceptional. I’m a visual person – and I noticed a lot more than just looks. These profiles were more refined. Some had experienced life and found humour in the process.
The guys were confident, direct and liberated. And this appealed to me in a way that I’m not used to. They were SEXY. I’ll share some qualities I found alluring in men over 40:
After undergoing some major life experience such as a long-term relationship, parenthood and perhaps a divorce, they no longer need anyone to fill some void in their life. They are self sufficient, capable and well adjusted.
Being comfortable in their own skin, they forget about the whole ‘talking it up’ routine that most (unmarried) people do in their 20’s and 30’s. Over 40s are no longer trying to be the right man that will attract the woman. They know their value, are pretty comfortable with who they are, which radiates from the inside-out.
Many people in their 20’s/30’s allow their partners to transgress their boundaries–constantly–without sticking up for themselves. You will NOT see a man over 40 make this mistake.
We all know that people in love will meet each other in the middle, and personalities remain the same. Love is equally vibrant when you just accept their true essence. Once you do this, it’s a natural progression for a long standing relationship.
Since most men who are over 40 have previously been married and are now single, there is usually an experience of having taken charge of their lives by ending a bad relationship.
It’s so easy to stay comfortable in our lives, even when we’re, admittedly, not very happy. Why? Because ending our relationship often involves a major upheaval of our entire life: moving out, figuring out what to do with children, splitting up finances, etc. It takes tremendous courage to do so, and I respect anyone who has left a crappy marriage or relationship. There is no greater joy than liberation after feeling caged in. The irony is that, for most of us, we’re holding the key to our own cage.
Once a guy–or anyone, for that matter–has gotten out of their cage, the last thing they are going to do is feel trapped in another one. Not only that, but they also have no desire to put someone else in a cage, either.
For this reason, you can pretty much say whatever you’d like to a guy over 40. He may not agree, but he’ll give you the space to be you. Isn’t that what we’re all looking for? Someone with whom we can be ourselves–whether that’s a potential partner, lover or friend.
When a man has been taking good care of himself throughout his 20’s and 30’s (physically, mentally, emotionally and nutritionally), and is confident, direct and liberated, there’s a good chance he is going to be spicy hot! As well as having much needed emotional intelligence.
The irony is that when I talk to friends, I still catch myself saying, “older men.” Obviously, my mental construct still has some room for improvement. Regardless of what happens, I do know one thing: my next boyfriend will definitely be over 40.
Caria Watt is an established model and communications specialist who writes positive mindful expressions to help people with relationships. Her passion for words has become a life long career as a professional copywriter, writer and blogger. Friends call her for advice on dating, communicating, and how to become an empowered person. As a singleton… she is on the pursuit of healthy dating and has kindly offered to write about her experiences.
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