The Top 7 Things I Learnt About Love , Life and Heartache

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A few years back when I first started this blog( Bella and Darcy) I posted a series of photos of postcards that I had collected when I was in London. These cards were the beginning of a turning point in my life , where I  then made the conscious decision to brush myself off, stand tall and fight for the love , joy and peace I deserved . I had been in a very toxic relationship for 3 years and needed to finally allow myself to break free so I could mend again . All my dreams and purpose had been squished due to the all consuming and draining situation I was in , and I had had enough of feeling sad and crying all the time . After buying 7 of these cards , I started to journal  the 3 lists that would help me clarify and focus on what it was I yearned for.  Starting a dating and relationship blog doesn’t just come from nowhere, and after years and years of heartache , abuse and disappointment I realised that I needed to create a voice for women and share some of the lessons I’ve learnt along the way :

card61: It all starts with you. 

I have always suffered from low self esteem and without oversharing all I’ll say is that even when you make a living out of your looks, it doesn’t mean that you feel beautiful , worthy or even wanted . For a long time I lived with self condemnation for mistakes I had made, insecurities and fears of never being enough and ending up alone. It took a long time and a lot of self work and professional help before I began to understand my true self worth, and boy when that day came was I a new and free woman! It’s amazing to look back and see how many times I let people abuse and mistreat me because I didn’t realize my own value , however the peace and strength that came with the knowledge that I was wonderful , loved and worthy was unlike anything I had experienced before. To attract and recognize a healthy and for filling love in your life , you first need to love yourself wholly.

2: Passions are whispers of dreams to come.card 5

If something is burning in your heart, if there is a thought you just can’t shake from your mind then this is because you are meant to go ahead and manifest it into your life. I once heard a wise man say ” If you want to know what you are meant to do in life , then look at what you’re passionate about .” I believe passion and purpose walk hand in hand and that the dreams we have are indications of our potential and can happen if we want them to.

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3: Every season comes to an end and there is purpose in every step along the way.

Even in the depths of despair during a break up , I knew that eventually I would feel better one day ( although it was just really hard to believe it at the time!) Life is seasonal, we have a time for everything; a time to grow , to work hard, to rest , to cry , to laugh … Don’t get stuck in the moment , your life is an evolving story not a predictable doctorate. Once you learn to recognize which season you are in, it becomes easier to navigate your way .

card 24: Some people will love you, some will hate you and none of it will have anything to do with you.

There will be haters along the way , and sometimes even the best of people will disappoint you, but the great part is we can choose what to focus on and who to listen to you. The loudest voices aren’t always the most important and the older you get the more you’ll be able to discern who to drown out and who to turn up.  I have been bullied since a young age and guess what it still happens! But I choose not to let it tear me down , I choose to shut out that negativity and instead surround myself with people who are positive and uplifting  because believe me , it takes a lot less energy to be happy than it does miserable!

5:You have to fight for the love and life you want .

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It’s so easy to just settle for second best , but imagine how much you would be missing out on if you did! Life and love involves risks, being vulnerable and no certain outcome , but we can choose what direction we want it to go. True you can’t always choose what happens to you, but you can always choose your reaction to it. Forgive people ( including yourself) , make the decision to leave the past in the past and fight for your dreams. Invest the hard work , write your goals down , and wait for the right love if you have too! It is your life, you are the director, you are the one responsible for your happiness, no one else.

6: You are stronger than you think.

Often we don’t realize our full capacity until we are tested to our limits. Stop putting unrealistic expectations on your self, stop being your own worst enemy and start believing that you can and will gt through whatever life throws you. Comparison is the biggest joy thief, so put your head down and look at your own journey. Not everyone will understand you , but that’s OK , because it’s your life not theirs.

7: Everyday is a choice , a chance , a gift. card 7

Life can throw us some curve balls, but it can also have some pretty wonderful moments as well.  Each new day is a chance to build and create the life you really desire , it will mean hard work, conscious thoughts, disciplined actions and words, tears, joy and a whole lot of other stuff in between! But the awesome part is that day by day , all those choices, all that effort will eventually form your life into a wonderful existence. Simplify your life, don’t show up to every battle you are invited to, get rid of toxic people, do a job you love and marry a man who makes you laugh and inspires you. Love yourself because the truth is you are just enough as you are.

 

 

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