So, it’s official, your marriage is over.
You can’t avoid the hardships of parting with someone you thought you’d spend the rest of your life with. However, it’s possible to make things easier for you, your spouse, and your kids.
Below are our top 6 things to consider when divorcing. Let’s talk about it.
You became divorced; not your kids
So, what to know about divorce? One of the first big concerns is telling this news to your kids. Your marriage is over, but that’s between you and your spouse. Your children still have the right to have mom and dad and they still want to be loved by both of you.
So, if your marriage has come to an end, don’t just announce to your kids that your family is falling apart without explaining to them what it means for everybody and presenting them with the exact outline of what is going to happen next.
Be prepared that your split can be hard on your children, no matter how big or small they are. Make sure you talk about it openly and ask your kids how they feel so that you would be able to help them through this transition.
At first, you will feel sadness, loss, fear, and anxiety
This may come as a surprise for many people but you might feel extreme sadness, loneliness, anxiety, and fear even if you were the one who initiated the split. Ask any person who’s been through a divorce. There are many reasons behind this, and one of them is that your family and your home is your ultimate comfort zone.
Your life without a spouse will bring tremendous changes to everything, from daily routines to the number of responsibilities you’ll have to take on.
And you will probably have to spend a lot of time on your own, which is something you haven’t done for years. Some people need just a couple of weeks to recover, others require months, but don’t be alarmed. It’s just a phase and everything gets easier with time.
You still will deal with your ex
Here’s what to expect in a divorce apart from sadness and confusion. Your problems don’t automatically disappear once you part your ways.
In fact, that’s when the real work begins, especially if you have kids. The things that used to drive you crazy in your ex will magnify and you’ll have to train yourself to let go.
If the divorce was the result of something bad that your ex did, you’ll need to learn to forgive. This is a pretty serious transition and you want to make sure you both can handle it as gracefully as possible.
If it’s possible to split up on good terms, please do. But if things get really ugly, make sure you don’t let it get to you. In such circumstances, people are very tempted to insult the other person and your ex definitely knows where to hit so that it hurts.
There are going to be some occasions for couples where the divorce can get ugly or where they’ll need to sort out their assets. Getting a divorce lawyer is certainly something that should be advised in order to protect yourself when it comes to splitting the assets you have together in a fair manner.
It’s important that you’re doing what’s best for both you and your partner, as well as any children that are around and having to cope with the aftermath of a divorce.
You need to learn how to be happy again
You will be surprised to what extent your life used to revolve around the other person. Many people find that after divorce, they don’t even remember who they are anymore. They don’t know what they like, and they can’t find anything that would bring them joy.
So be ready that at first, you’ll find it difficult to entertain yourself. Negative emotions and discomfort from all the changes you have to go through will take a heavy toll on you. Even if you have friends and family around, you might still feel miserable and lonely.
That’s ok and you shouldn’t beat yourself up for not being happy. Just don’t isolate yourself and don’t obsess over all the negativity. You can visit a few therapy sessions if you have to. Just remember that at the end of the day you’ll be alright.
You can lose some of your friends
That’s a surprisingly hard part. You might lose some of your close friends, and I’m not talking about the mutual friends of you and your spouse or your spouse’s family members.
Be prepared that some of your married mates might all of a sudden stop inviting you to the parties. As weird as it may sound, many people are not as happy in their marriage as they would like to and they are secretly afraid of getting divorced themselves.
This can be the reason why they might not want you around anymore as often. At the same time, you might feel a lot of support from people who were not as close to you before the divorce, which is a good part.
You will fall in love again
So, is life better after divorce? Yes, definitely! As hard as the divorce is, there is no reason to stay in the marriage that is not working. This is your chance to start living life on your terms. And just to make sure you don’t feel bad about yourself.
Divorce is not a failure. Living with a person who is not right for you is the ultimate kind of failure. Take your time to reconcile with yourself and soon you’ll start dating and you’ll fall in love again. Some people even try something new, such as using a dating app after divorce.
As you can see, there are lots of things to consider before the divorce. But you know what’s right for you, and if your relationship is not working out, don’t waste each other’s time. Just be honest, thoughtful, and prepared.
Lara is a Ph.D. in Psychology, couples therapy counselor, and relationship expert at DoULikeSenior. Loves helping people, traveling, going on long walks, and tasting delicious foods.