Unfinished Business ( what do to when you can’t get closure )


Sometimes closure is a luxury.

It seems recently that I have been chatting to some amazing women who all can relate to or have at some point experienced a time where they just couldn’t get closure on a relationship in their life.

Whether it’s because the man they had been dating for a couple of weeks suddenly dropped all contact, a friendship ended abruptly or there is still an emotional attachment to an ex partner, it can all be a little upsetting and frustrating to say the least!

Our creative female brains can sometimes get the better of us and start making us believe that there is something wrong with us instead of them!

When the mat has been pulled out from under your feet, and we fall flat on our bums, we sit there dazed and confused as to what the hell went wrong?!… ( breathe). But now it’s time to tackle those anxious emotions and get practical and realistic so that you can have some peace.

The Situations:

-Dating

Basically you have been dating a new guy and all is going great like seriously this man could be “ the one” *cough , but then all of a sudden he drops off the face of the earth and ends all communication?!I know like what the?!

It’s a strange unexplained phenomenon (but we were warned that men are indeed from another planet) that a man could go from treating you like his new found girlfriend to a complete stranger.

It’s a slap in the face and yeah it hurts, but the thing is we never really know someone that soon and better to find out about his true character now than later down the track when hearts are involved.

There is nothing wrong with you, some men can freak out if things get to serious too soon , so my advice is to set the pace, hold back a bit and keep your heart guarded until you are sure and the man has proven worthy of having it. And if the man doesn’t make you a priority then move on.

-Ex partner

This is harder as it involves a history as well as two hearts. Sometimes relationships don’t work out the way we planned and we have to let go even when we don’t want to.

It’s sad but it’s also important to identify when a season is over so that you are able to move into the next part of your life. Yes this will take time and discipline of your mind and emotions to be able to learn to move on, it will also mean breaking old habits and familiarity.

The thing is closure is sometimes a luxury, we won’t always get our answers, our reasons or justice, but you cannot let this hold you back from moving forward.

People come into your life for a purpose and whilst you may not feel like it’s over for you , if you are indeed over and he has moved on then you need to do as well.

I don’t mean go out and date a random, but rather emotionally and mentally you need to let go. Take control of your thoughts, words and actions, be accountable to good friends and re focus on a new beginning. Get rid of old photos, memories etc and no social media stalking! (dammit!)

-Friendships

Well none of these situations are easy or pleasant ha! This one can be quite upsetting because a friendship is usually something we plan on for a lifetime unintentionally.

Once again there is purpose to everything and everyone we meet and sometimes there is also a time limit for that person to be in our lives.

I encourage you to try and contact your friend and work it out, listen to their side of the argument, give it some time and make a genuine effort to reconnect .

If your friend doesn’t reciprocate and is being difficult, bitter, childish or perhaps isn’t even responding at all , then you need to just leave them be for awhile. Focus on other friendships in your life, invest into people that give something back and love you unconditionally.

New Season: New Mindset

Peace is achievable in any season but it all starts with you and your mindset. The trick is to stop beating yourself up for something you can’t control in another person.

People change and sometimes that means they no longer have a place in your life, but remember their presence or absence doesn’t define who you are as a person.

Don’t get stuck in a moment , learn to focus your time, energy and emotions on to other things which are going to build you up and help move you into a brighter , happier future .

The biggest lesson I learnt was that when we learn to accept an apology we are never actually going to receive, life becomes a whole lot easier.

Someone’s mistreatment of you does not make up your identity; you and only you are responsible for your own happiness, so start taking control today. Create your own closure by accepting what it was and now moving on to what will be.

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