Are you single? Do you feel unhappy about this fact? Do you wonder if there’s something wrong with you because you don’t have a man?
Do you think your life would be complete once you’ve found Mr Right? Do you dream about your knight in shining armour saving you?
I wouldn’t be surprised if you answered ‘yes’ to many of these questions because the notion that a man will complete you is common in the Western world. But why? Where does it come from, why is it so damaging and what can be done about it?
The first thing to set straight is that any idea that ‘being single equals being inadequate’ is ridiculous. This idea is a belief; not a fact.
What’s the difference? Well a fact can be proven and cannot be argued while a belief cannot be proven and can be argued.
The simple way of determining whether a statement is truth or belief is to ask yourself whether you can have a debate about it or not. For example, could you debate: ‘there must be something wrong with me because I’m single’? Could you and your friends argue about this? Yes, of course you could!
Compare this to: ‘The world is round’? This is a fact and ends in a very short discussion!
This means that ‘there must be something wrong with me because I’m single’ is a belief. But where do beliefs such as this come from?
One thing that plants some of the earliest seeds in impressionable young female minds is fairy tales. Although they seem harmless on the surface (who doesn’t love a story about a princess and handsome prince?) they can brainwash girls into thinking that they need a man to save them. Consider Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty and Snow White: they are rescued by a handsome prince, who marries them and they ride off into the sunset living happily-ever-after.
Ah, they’re lovely aren’t they?
Yes of course they are but they are also highly damaging. Are young boys told that they need anyone to save them? That they are helpless without a woman? No! They’re told to forge ahead and rescue a damsel in distress.
What this means is that girls receive recurring subliminal messages from a very early age: ‘you need a man’. Fast forward these girls into adulthood and you get women who spend their energy and focus on getting a boyfriend (and beating themselves up when they haven’t got one) rather than finding out what will make them happy without a man.
The irony is that when they discover what makes them happy – and they spend their time and energy doing the things they love – they’ll find they don’t need a man. Yet they will attract plenty of suitors because happiness is highly appealing!
And so, while you’re looking for a partner, just remember that you do not need to depend on a man to make you happy. (This is a sure-fire way to drive a sane guy off!)
If you’ve been brainwashed into believing that you’re somehow inadequate or lacking because you haven’t got a partner, think again. It’s a load of bull. Instead, spend your time exploring what makes you happy, and think of a man as a ‘nice-to-have accessory’, rather than a ‘must-have necessity’. Only then can you be truly happy.
Jo Blakeley trains people in confidence, communication and leadership skills. She marries soft skills with hard science and, as a qualified NLP trainer, has helped helping hundreds of people be the best that they can be, both personally and professionally.
For details of Jo Blakeley’s online and face-to-face and online courses that help women achieve empowered, happy, healthy and successful lives, visit www.TheBlissExpert.com. The first module of the “Ten steps to Bliss” is free.
It’s my mission is to empower women (and men) so that they can achieve their bliss without blokes (beers or burritos!). I’ve written an entertaining fiction book, Blokes, Beers and Burritos, which also offers practical steps that readers follow with the story’s main character, in order to achieve fulfilment in their own lives. If you’re interested in The Bliss Expert’s online course (that’s me), why not ‘try it before you buy’ by signing up to receive the first module for free. Find out how: www.theblissexpert.com