Decoding men: What he really means when he says this…


As seen originally on eHarmony

It seems to be the age old mystery: what does he really mean when he says certain things? And why do men seem to have this whole other language that we women just can’t quite understand?
John Grey shed some light on this phenomenon in his infamous book Men Are from Mars and Women Are from Venus, but now that dating has gone digital surely the rules have changed?
There seems to be this constant communication breakdown between the sexes, resulting in frustration, bad dates and a whole lot of heartache. So to help the ladies with some basic ‘manslation’, here’s a list of common things men say and what they really mean.

“You look hot!”

What he means: I want to take you to bed or get physical with you and am not necessarily offering anything serious at the moment.

“You look beautiful

What he means: I really like you, you have my attention.

“I think you’re really nice, but…”

What he means: I’m not interested in anything right now.

“You have a great personality, but …”

What he means: I’m not interested or attracted to you. (Basically, if there’s a ‘BUT’ after any sentence it’s a good indication he isn’t after anything serious.)


What he means: If he’s just sending one-word lines with no questions after or only short non -committal answers then the guy is not 100% committed to getting to know you. Move on.

“Wanna hang out?”

What he means: I want something casual and can’t be bothered to ask you on a formal date. He’s most likely keeping his options open.

“Sorry I’m busy, maybe another time?”

What he means: It’s possible he is genuinely busy, however if he is serious about seeing you again he will organise and lock in a time with you. Otherwise this is just an excuse not to make you a priority because he isn’t wanting more.

“It’s not you it’s me”

What he means: It is most definitely him. Either he doesn’t want to hurt your feelings or face the music.

“I just need some space”

What he means: This could mean one of two things – either he needs some time to think a few things over or he isn’t interested in committing.

“Netflix and chill?”

What he means: We all know what this means and where it leads to.

“Do you want to come back to mine for a drink?

What he means: Do you want to possibly make out with me on my couch?

“I would love to see you again”

What he means:  He actually really wants to see you again.

“What are you wearing?”

What he means: He pretty much wants to know if you are naked. Most of the time he wants a visual image because he has one thing on his mind.

“I don’t need help”

What he means: I don’t want to admit my faults or weaknesses.

“I’m just not after anything serious”

What he means: I don’t want a commitment right now, but I’ll take the casual part!

“I like your hair/ dress/ shoes”

What he means: He is noticing the details…

“You have beautiful eyes”

What he means: He is attracted to you and probably wants to kiss you.

“Do you want to go somewhere casual?”

What he means: He doesn’t want to get too serious yet until he gets to know you.

“Sorry, have to raincheck. Super busy. Will try to catch you another time”

What he means: If he hasn’t bothered to call you to cancel plans or locked in another time then this guy isn’t prioritising you, probably because he doesn’t want anything serious.

“What ya doing now? Wanna come over?”( text sent at 10pm)

What he means:  BOOTY CALL!

So what’s the outtake?

In general, ladies, the best way to know if he is into you or not is this: if he is you won’t have to ask yourself the question, you will just know. Men aren’t as complicated as we think. Most of the time their actions will reveal their true intentions and what they say they really mean. And if you’re ever in doubt just ask them! Great communication works both ways so don’t be afraid to ask a few questions and get some clear answers.

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1 Comment

  • Casey Mcvay says:

    As a man, I’ve read a lot of trash on this subject, but this piece is spot on. Thing is, wowen are “decoded” the same way. I’ve been happily married for twenty years, but this stuff stands the test of time despite some changes in wording. “Netflix and Chill” did not exist when I was dating, but “hang out” did. Many people make the mistake of concentrating on differences between the sexes instead of our commonalities. We all want something, and many times what we want is essentially the same when we completely boil things down. Great job on this piece. It’s Always good to see people outside my own immediate social circle paying attention to what is, instead of what they want things to be. It reinforces my hope in humanity. Thank you for posting this responsibly. Keep up the good work! 🙂

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