You may have seen it happen…
Chances are if you’ve been to a fancy restaurant before, you’ve probably witnessed a public engagement. There was an unexpected moment of peace when everything stopped, and all you could hear was the tingle of forks and knives on plates.
Then, people realised what was happening, and most tables put their cutlery down, waiting with palpable unease until the proposal was over.
He had gone down to one knee in front of the girl.
In his hand, he held a little black box. Inside, you could only catch a bright shine where the light hit the diamond. He proposed. She put her hands over her mouth, muffling a little cry of excitement.
Finally, she nodded, unable to form words anymore as tears came to her eyes. They embraced. The rest of the room cheered to the newly engaged couple before resuming their position: Fork in one hand and knife in the other.
Did you find yourself feeling happy and excited for the couple or did you experience a completely different feeling?
Not envy or jealousy. But something that took you by surprise as you least expected it; annoyance. If you did, don’t blame yourself. You’re not a bad person. You’re one of the many people who believe that a public proposal is a terrible idea.
It’s between you and your partner only
You might feel strongly against public proposals because you believe that your love life is a matter of privacy and intimacy. Whatever you and your partner decide to do, it’s not for anybody else to know.
You feel that a night together in the coziness of your home – maybe organised with a playful night-in coupon to surprise your partner – is better suited to a proposal. You can also pop the question without interrupting anybody else.
If you’re the one asking, you can’t deny that a night at home makes the whole event a lot less stressful. If you’re the one being proposed, it’s likely that you won’t have expected it – which may not be the case if you’re going out of your way to book a table at an expensive restaurant in town.
You can’t control all the elements
When you’re planning a proposal in public, you need to manage exterior factors, such as the musical background – you can hire a live band to play as you ask – or even the ring.
Most people are worried about finding the perfect ring – such as one of those engagement rings that are easy to customize with names or a shared memory – and losing track of it. Indeed, if you’ve left the ring to a waiter for the big surprise, you have to accept that anything could happen to the ring while it’s out of your sight.
During a hectic night, the waiter could misplace it, or it could accidentally be baked inside the surprise cake, instead of being added to the decoration.
Your partner may not enjoy the spotlight
Some people react negatively when they are under the spotlight. Even if your partner loves you very much, forcing them to be part of a public proposal might affect their response. Many public proposals end up in rejections because people didn’t like the attention.
Social anxiety is a real condition, and ultimately feeling trapped in an uncomfortable situation in front of people you don’t know might make you wonder how well your partner knows you.
It’s a LOT of money
Weddings are expensive. However, public proposals can cost a lot of money too. Most people work hard to plan something romantically over-the-top – you’re going public for that reason, after all. Indeed, aside from budgeting the engagement ring, you also need to ensure you’ve got most external elements under control.
If you want a crowd of dancers and singers, it’s going to cost you extra. A marching band? Done, but not for less than $7,000. And ultimately, as you get done to it, a public proposal can cost almost as much as a wedding if you’re going to wow your partner with romantic gestures and perfect timing. But is it the best way to invest your money?
It can take all the feelings away from a sweet gesture
Last, but not least, going public says more about you than it does about your love. Many can feel pressured because you’ve gone out of your way to stage a show that should have had an audience of one. Drawing the attention from strangers feels more like the attitude of a busker looking for patrons than a lover.
Admittedly, it would be unfair to claim that public proposals are the worst. But they are not for everyone. If you prefer something intimate, there is just as such feelings in telling the person you love you want to spend a lifetime together. Who needs a brass band to spread the love anyway?
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