I am in my 40’s and came out of a long term relationship about a year ago. We were together for 10 years and unfortunately it just didn’t work out. Whilst I don’t have children (an am indecisive if I want any) I still find it hard to find a decent man! I have tried online dating and meeting guys through friends of friends but it just seems so much more difficult compared to 10 years ago…Am I doing something wrong? Surely it can’t be that hard! Please help!
A: It’s a question that I hear often…why has dating become so complicated nowadays!? And why is it harder to find love when we are older? But before we decide to throw in the towel and place all men in the same bucket, let’s look at the reasons and SOLUTIONS as to why it’s harder to find love later on in life:
1: People have more baggage
The older we get the more we have been through and carry with us emotionally, mentally and so on. It’s completely normal to have a past, but what we have to try and do is not let it control our future or present. Choosing to let go of regret, past hurts and mistakes or any unforgiveness literally gives you more room in your heart and head to move. When we deal with our own personal development first, we then open ourselves up to attracting the right type of relationships into our lives.
2: Our level of expectations has changed
As we get older we start to work out what we really want, where our standards lie and what we aren’t going to settle for. The problem is, is that we either forget what is realistic and actually needed in a relationship as opposed to what we ideally want. Setting your expectations to high not only sets you up for disappointment but it also means you miss out on some truly great opportunities. Great relationships are also about compromise as much as they are about not settling, so make sure you aren’t closing off doors before you’ve even had a chance to meet who’s behind them.
3: We have become more cynical
Well hello we are human and after you have been burnt a few times, it’s not hard to become a little bit …dubious about it all! But that’s just the thing, we choose who we want to date, we choose who we give our heart to;we are the common denominator! A few tips then:
-Stop basing your chances of finding love off the bad stories or divorces of your friends
-Choose to date men that are more compatible and want them same things as you
-Stay positive and hold out for the right one
– Take a break if you are starting to hate dating
– Retrain your mindset to let go of all those bad experiences.
4: We judge before we give them a chance
Thanks to social media we can stalk someone and know EVERYTHING about them before we have even had a chance to actually talk to them. Not rocket science here, it really is about getting back to the basics and getting to know someone before we label them.
It’s true finding love can be a little bit of a battle, but it doesn’t have to become mission impossible. When we have the right mindset we usually attract the right person, so maybe take the focus of trying to find someone and instead find yourself in a whole new and fulfilling way.
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