1: You can’t change a man.
Wrong! A man is able to change if he wants to; “want” being the key word. He shouldn’t be forced or nagged to change but rather have a desire to change to please the woman he’s in love with. So how do you change a man? Easy, love him for who he is and work on becoming the most loving desirable woman he could ever imagine.
2: There is only one “The one”
Perhaps in Disney Fairytales, but not so much in reality, as we are all capable of falling in love again and again. Yes people are called into our life for different seasons; however your feelings for them are not any less just because the duration of your relationship was.
For women who are divorced, or lose their husband to death, it’s not for us to say that they only get one chance or one “the one” in life, because for as long as they are capable of loving they are able to meet another “one”. It’s human nature to label situations and generalise, but life changes and throws us curve balls and that’s where we learn that it always offers us a second (or 3rd or 4th!) chance.
3: Separation means divorce
Wrong, choosing to separate to work out your problems does not have to signify the end of your marriage; in fact it can actually be the first step to healing it. It is a difficult decision and time for your relationship, but don’t despair or worse start to compare your situation to the outcome of others.
Separating would hopefully be the last option to working out your marital problems, but don’t assume that it means the beginning of the end, change is seasonal and the future is optional.
4: All men are arseholes
No they aren’t, in fact there are plenty of incredibly great men out there waiting to treat you with romance and respect. What you allow is what will continue, and if you continually invite men into your world who don’t value or use you then it reflects on your choices not the entire population of men.
5: Marriage is the end of romance
Says who? The only “end” that marriage signifies is an end to singleness! Marriage is a chance to romance that one person everyday for the rest of your life; however that is a choice not a natural reaction. Women should never stop dating their husbands and men should never stop romancing their wives.
Yes it will be hard to break routine and keep introducing spontaneity but at the end of the day you are both responsible for the romance in your marriage and you can either choose to neglect it and “ blame it on marriage” or you can take ownership of your actions and start to reignite the passion again .
6: Dream men don’t exist
They sure do, because the fact is if an incredible woman like you exists then why can’t an equivalent man be a reality too? There is nothing wrong with being specific about who you date and waiting for the right man is not being unrealistic, it’s setting yourself up for a successful relationship.
If you have certain qualities in a man that you cannot imagine living without then hold out for a man who has them. It’s your choice who you wish to date, so believe that someone wonderful is actually out there waiting to meet you.
7: Being single is not normal
Well if that couldn’t be even more further from the truth! Whether you are in your 20’s, 30’s , 40’s or even 50’s , there is nothing wrong with you just because you are single.
Your worth is not based on your marital status and it takes more courage to do life alone and wait for the right person then to settle for second best just for the sake of being in a relationship.
A season of singleness is essential to setting yourself up for a successful relationship, because only we are responsible for our happiness.
8: Relationships are always hard work/ draining
Yes relationships require consistent attention and work, but they should not be constantly draining or sucking you emotionally dry! A big indication of meeting the right person is that there is peace, happiness and mutual effort in maintaining a healthy relationship.
It’s not meant to be turbulent (which can often be mistaken for passion) or an uphill battle, your relationship should be full of joy and the difficult times should only be seasonal, not constant.
9: Sex is the same as Love
These two are very different an often mixed up for one another and that is why there is a lot of heartache, confusion and disappointment in the world.
Sex should never be used as a substitute for love, but rather something that can be incredibly for filling emotionally and physically after love has already been established.
The moment we start replacing love with sex, a void starts to grow and we continue to wonder why we feel unsatisfied on every level.
10: Age is just a number
Some people will beg to differ, but I think age still does come into play when it comes to relationships. An age gap (of significant difference) can mean that whilst two people are in love, they may want different things, purely because they are at different stages of life due to their age.