There are some really big myths that we need to bust when it comes to relationships, love, and dating.
What I want to do is I want to uncover some of those reasons in this blog and make it really clear what you actually need, to be able to succeed in love, your next date, or your next relationship.
I really encourage you not to get into another relationship, do not even go on another date, or even open your dating app until you read this blog.
Because if you’re someone who has experienced a love life that has been toxic, volatile, or maybe just non-existent, then there is a reason for that.
1. Love is hard
We have this almost romantic notion that love is difficult. Love is hard. We have to search for love. And we’ve turned that into something that justifies our journey through painful love.
The truth is, love isn’t meant to be hard. It’s not something that should leave you broken in the process, because that actually goes against what love is.
You can’t say that you love someone or they love you, yet you don’t feel loved and they’ve completely destroyed you. It just doesn’t make sense.
We need to understand that love requires effort, but love is not meant to be difficult or hard.
For some of you ladies, the reason why you’re continuing to stay in relationships or continuing to date from a place of difficulty is that you have this idea in your head that it’s meant to be hard work.
It’s meant to be constantly striving, and that if it’s too easy and too simple, that there must be something wrong. But that isn’t the truth.
Love is meant to be easy,to flow and to come into our life with abundance and be received.
Not something that we constantly feel and have to strive for, or earn and be broken over, in order to be able to have.
2. Dating is not a numbers game
We have so many apps out there and online sites and access to these dates, that it’s easy to think that, “Well, it’s just a matter of swiping through maybe 10 a day.
And eventually, we’ll find somebody that we like.”Because when you think about it, we pass all these people on the street.
We don’t really think about the people that we pass or the number of people that we pass until we actually find someone that we’re attracted to.
Dating is not a numbers game. You shouldn’t have to go on multiple dates after date, after date, before you actually work out what it is that you want and how to make that work.
One of the frustrating things that I have seen as a coach is other coaches out there literally saying to clients, “Try and go on 50 dates within this month.” I mean, how exhausting.
Who the heck has time to go on 50 dates, let alone maybe even 10 dates. Truth is, the brain can’t handle any more than nine choices.
So, if you understand, not only how neurologically we’re built to be able to select a partner, but also how to set yourself up to just automatically attract and identify the right person for you, dating becomes so much easier.
It’s not meant to exhaust you. You’re not meant to turn this into a yes, no, yes, no, yes, on, flower-picking sort of episode. This is your love life. This is time that passes with every person that you invest into.
If you’re going to turn this into a lottery, hoping that, “Oh, maybe it’s this one. And I’ll just keep trying, trying, trying,” I can tell you right now, you’ll going to limit yourself.
I know that you’re thinking that you’re giving yourself unlimited choices, but in fact, it’s actually going to have the reverse effect and if this is something that you find yourself doing, where you don’t enjoy dating, you think that love is hard and it’s something that you have to earn, then what I suggest is check out my free training.
My free training is basically “Why Love Currently Sucks for You and How to Make It Not Suck.”
It is a training that basically is black and white, on why you’re struggling with dating and finding love and what to do about that from a logical and wise point of view, with things that you can instantly do to help get yourself unstuck. It’s completely free and it’s there for you ladies.
3. Right person, but the wrong time
Another big thing that we do that sets us up for failure in love, is we have this concept that it’s the right person, but the wrong time.
Sorry to burst your bubble, but there is no such thing. It’s either the right person and the right time, or it’s the wrong person and the wrong time. You can’t have both.
The right person will be available to you then and there because you’re ready for them and vice versa.
There’s no such thing as, “Well, he’s a great guy, but it was just bad timing for us because he was this and that.” No, it means you’re on completely separate pages, heading in separate directions, therefore where’s the unity in that?
You need to realize that as much as we have hope, as much as we want things to work out because we’re attached to someone or we feel something for someone if you’re not heading in the same direction, and if you’re not meant to make it work, then the truth is, it’s not about the wrong timing.
It purely means that they are the wrong person for you.
Another big thing that we believe is that compatibility is about liking the same things. No, unfortunately, compatibility is so much more than that.
Compatibility isn’t just about liking the same things. Compatibility is actually about capacity.
It’s about, “Hey, yeah, we like the same things. We have common interests. We’re heading in the same direction. However, we have something more than that. We both have the capacity to grow together as a couple in that same direction. If somebody says to you, they love you, that’s awesome.
However, do they have the capacity to show that love in action? Because if you’re doing all the work and they’re not, yet they’re saying they love you, then there’s a lack of compatibility there, because you’re not really on the same wavelength of what it takes to build a healthy relationship and get the progress that you want.
Now, if you’re liking these points and you can totally resonate with them, let me know down below by typing, “Thanks, Renee.” And don’t forget to subscribe on my YouTube Channel and give me a thumbs up.
5. You find love
All right, let’s just bust that myth right then and there.
You don’t find love. You build love. You may find a date. You may find someone you’re attracted to.
You may discover someone that you had an amazing conversation with, and then you go on a date and it’s all fabulous, but love isn’t something that you find. Love is something that you build.
It is something that takes time. It is something that needs to happen in stages and layers, in order to make sure that it is real love and that it’s setting you up for a healthy relationship and realistic expectations.
We, as ladies, love to romanticize everything, thanks to Disney and Hollywood.
We look at the Disney movies and we see the prince finding the girl and she falls in love. And it’s all very easy. Okay? Which is okay, because love isn’t meant to be difficult.
However, it’s still something that requires effort and it’s still something that is built, not found.
6. You can’t love somebody else until you love yourself
Well, guys, that’s not necessarily true. In fact, I think it’s actually easier to give love to somebody else, rather than to know how to love yourself fully.
However, it doesn’t really help if you are giving love to someone and you don’t know how to recognize and build self-love within yourself.
I think we’ve also got this stigma attached to self-love that we need to be fully whole and complete and feel like we’ve arrived at this blissful level of loving ourselves before we are worthy of loving someone else or receiving someone else’s love.
But the truth is, we never fully arrive.
We’re always changing. We’re always making mistakes.
We’re always growing and evolving, as a human. So, therefore the love that we give ourselves is always going to be a consistent journey.
As women, we have days where we don’t feel like we love ourselves, and sometimes that’s just purely because of hormones.
So, holding back on loving someone else or holding back on them loving you, just because you haven’t fully mastered self-love, is really doing yourself a disadvantage.
Now, I’m not discounting self-love.
Obviously, that is something that still needs to be worked on within you. It is still very fundamental because it actually helps you recognize real love from someone else and set boundaries and standards.
However, let’s not punish ourselves and think that we’re not worthy of someone else’s love or that we can’t love someone else just because we’re still struggling with self-love, within ourselves.
Again, if this is something that you feel has turned a few lights on within your head, I really recommend that you go and check out that free training that I have because it will explain why we get stuck specifically at certain points within our love life.
What that means and how to get unstuck and move forward without feeling there has to be this massive battle or this life lesson that you’re never really going to master.
I hope that this blog has given you some sort of sense of permission. Permission to either says no to toxic dates.
Permission to either give love to somebody who actually is worthy of your love and just a little grace towards yourself and the whole entire process.
If you want to know more about my training CLICK HERE. Until next time, don’t forget to subscribe. Give me a thumbs up. Drop a “Thanks, Renee” on my YouTube Channel and I’ll see you later, next time. Bye for now.