No I’m not talking about his manly room stacked with beer, a pool table and video games that can usually be detected by smell first before entering.
I’m talking about the metaphorical place men like to go when they need some alone time.
It’s a universal term recognised by every female and male around the world, describing when men retreat away from females to gather their thoughts and “have some space”.
It drives women insane and is often the cause for crazy “over reacting” behaviour or strong annoying words otherwise known as “nagging”.
It’s a strange phenomenon first tapped on to by the well know ‘Men are from Mars , Women are from Venus’ bestseller, but whilst we have already established that men are from another planet it doesn’t help how we feel when they choose to step off our planet completely without so much as a warning and into their cave!
And he’s off and running…..
Agh the joys of dating and relationships, one minute it can be fine and dandy and the next your man has started to retreat, grow a little distant and then before you know it he’s heading for the hills!
Sounds a little like a wildlife documentary “the male lion starts to withdraw…he sees his chance of escape and takes flight…his destination is that of a large hole, where it’s safe, warm and secluded. All the female can do now is wait.”
Hmm sound familiar? (and I never did look at the Discovery Channel the same way again!)It’s probably something we have all experienced, maybe to different degrees depending on your relationships and the situation but at some point you have had your man go into his beloved private space where none shall enter ( except all other males) .
Let him run, you’ve started to see the recognisable signs so step back and give him a head start. Sounds crazy but the more you step back and let him be, the shorter the stay in the cave will last.
This works both ways, when guys go into their own little world, chances are the communication will be cut right down , don’t take this personally just understand it’s one of the side effects.
As women we tend to get a little frustrated when men don’t communicate with us properly so this is probably the toughest thing to master, but remember the golden rule: Men don’t respond to nagging, men respond to no contact (thank you Sherry Argov!)
Don’t even speak to him (unless you’re living or married to him), wait for him to contact you and just keep busy talking to your friends, family, neighbour , dog, yourself , just anyone but him!
Men already use half the amount of words than we do on a daily basis so he really isn’t going to elaborate on answers like: “yes”, “ok then” and “good thanks” so don’t interrogate him and over analyse everything he is not saying!
Relax, it’s just part of the process, don’t take it personally, just don’t speak to him for a few days or wait till he contact you.
Time is your friend
Yes it is, don’t sit there and stare at your phone willing it to light up with his name, girl get him off that pedal stool, he’s in his cave so get busy with your own life!
It shouldn’t matter if a man decides to take some space, because ideally you are always doing your own thing and emotionally independent to a healthy degree.
It’s normal and actually necessary for men to have “alone time” it’ll make you appreciate each other a lot more. If it does your head in then get busy and keep yourself distracted, but it also might be a tell tale sign that you need to stop pinning your happiness and emotional outcomes on a man, be a whole person, be comfortable on your own.
We all have a fairytale time fame in our head (that never actually seems to go to plan), so don’t force things, go with the flow, give him space, take some time out for yourself, don’t stress about the future and just enjoy the season now.
Men like to be respected, if you show him that you can respect his man cave, chances are he’ll want to come out of there sooner to be with you!
When he emerges
Hallelujah! He cometh forwardth ! (But of course you were so preoccupied being independent and fabulous with your own life you barely noticed!?)
He will emerge when the time is right, thing is there is no rule or specific time frame, all I know is that if you leave them alone then they will be out sooner than expected.
Don’t bombard him with a million questions and a Gestapo light in his eyes demanding an explanation, give it a few days, smile and act normal and if you feel like you need to bring up anything then chat with him once your emotions have calmed down.
Better get use to the Man Cave Syndrome as it is something that never goes away, so learn to how to deal with it now so that you can keep the peace in your relationship and your mind.