As a child we are usually told when we are doing something wrong, we learn from our parents ( usually in very clear terms!)when we are out of line , and eventually we start to become consciously aware of what is correct and what is unacceptable. However as we grow older this responsibility becomes our own and alas there is no fairy godmother to kick our bum and remind us that we have a few little issues we need to work out ! Self sabotage is usually one of those things we or our friends do without even realising it. Later on it becomes an “ah ha” moment and that usually occurs after we have scared away a good egg and been left a little heart broken. Guaranteed we can date the wrong men constantly however there does come a point where we have to stop and take a long hard look at ourselves to get a better perspective . If you aren’t sure if you are self sabotaging your relationship then here’s 5 signs that indicate you just might be:
1: You’ve developed a pattern of breakups.
This is about when you are dating a great guy and you know it , and then after a few weeks he seems to be heading for the hills and you’re wondering what went wrong? You felt like you have done everything right and when the next one comes along and the same thing happens again, you start to blame the men instead of realising that maybe you are contributing in some way . At the end of the day we become the common factor in our string of broken relationships.
2: You haven’t dealt with your past.
You keep bringing the same issues into every relationship and releasing them on your unsuspecting date in either 3 ways: putting high expectations on him , 2: Being too needy and insecure or 3: Putting up high walls and not letting him in. Most of the time we aren’t even aware that we are letting our past control our present, however once you start to live and date more consciously you give yourself a better chance at the future.
3: The same problems keep arising.
The best way to tell if you self sabotage is to write down a short time timeline of each relationship you had. Do you see a pattern emerging ? Do they all start to back off or run away at a certain point? If you were to ask each one of them why it didn’t work out , would they give you the same answer?It’s not easy admitting to our problems or coming face to face with the truth, but identifying the problems means that you can then arm yourself with the tools to improve future relationships.
4: There is little progress and a whole lot of drama.
Being overly dramatic, creating unnecessarily conflict or trying to get a reaction out of him are sure signs of self sabotaging. This usually is an indication that you have a fear of being hurt , are insecure within yourself or have not realised that you have deeper problems that usually stem back to your parents marriage. A healthy relationship has both peace and progress.
5: Your relationships are inconsistent and confusing.
This is usually because you have a lot of fears, bad habits or insecurities that you haven’t dealt with , which basically means the men you date don’t know where they stand with you. If your behaviour is all over the shop then eventually your man will feel like he doesn’t have a place, or he will get the wrong message and do the runner. Battling with your demons and getting to the core of who you are will not only bring clarity to why you do certain things but it will also give you a place to start, with working out your problems.