Ah the joys having to be apart from your loved one due to a number of reasons out of your control #sigh.
Whether it’s because you are of different nationalities, have a husband deployed overseas or work and family commitments means you are apart ;being separated by land or sea isn’t usually how we envisioned our fairytale story to go.
For myself being forced to be go back to my home country due to visa reasons was not exactly something we had been prepared for and hearing the news that I had to stay longer than intended has been a little hard to swallow.
However taking it in our stride we have chosen let this time strengthen our relationship and below are a few tips for how I manage through this period:
Set a goal
The hardest part can be living in limbo of never knowing when you will see each other next, so it’s important to try and set a date or a goal to work towards.
This helps keeps things in perspective and gives you something to work towards ( it also helps keep you sane!) Having a mutual goal to look forward to also brings a sense of peace and unity between you even though physically you are separated.
Try and establish a goal early on or even before you have to be separated so that you can be reminded that this is only for a season and not a lifetime.
Communication is the key
Communication is vital in any relationship and more so when you cannot physically be with someone. With today’s technologies we have more ways to communicate with loved ones than ever before.
Whilst time zones and call costs can make things a little bit more difficult we still have to remember to make it a priority. A perfect (and affordable) way to stay in contact is writing letters to one another.
Whilst you may think that this method is “so 100 years ago” you’d be surprised just how appreciative someone would be to receive a personal letter that they can re read over again.
The trick is not to communicate in a quick cheap or ‘what’s convenient’ way, but to still put the time and effort in that a long distance relationship requires. Being physically separated will naturally put pressure on your relationship so it’s important to understand how to strengthen your bond even though you aren’t in each other’s company.
Your words are important
We all know that what we speak can really set the tone of our relationships and when we are a little emotional or depressed we can lose control over what we say.
It’s important to stay positive in this time and to continue to speak positive words over your relationship. Even choosing to say “ I will see you tonight then” ( which obviously you won’t be) over “ it’s so long …sob…I won’t see you …sob…for 5 months…this is s#@t…..!!!wahhh” etc you get the drift, sometimes a little positive lie helps make the reality less depressing and brings a sense of normality and routine back to your situation.
It’s easy to get depressed or just want to sit and watch the clock on the wall and will the days away till you see your love again; however it’s not going to speed things up or make you any happier!
Learn to utilise this time apart to not strengthen your relationship and love for one another but to also focus on yourself and your own personal achievements.
The trick is to keep your hands and mind busy so that you aren’t solely focused on the separation. It doesn’t mean that you are neglecting your relationship as that will still require your attention daily but rather choosing to put your energy into constructive behaviour that will help keep your spirits lifted.
Whether you choose to take up another hobby, do a short course, up your exercise or work more there a million ways to fill your time up!
Choose your reaction
The awesome thing in life is that we usually always have a choice to how we can react to what it throws at us! Whilst your circumstances aren’t ideal you can choose to either fight them and feel defeated or accept and learn to handle them with strength and peace.
It’s hard not to let our sense of longing and emotions govern our perspective when we are trying to cope with a long distance relationship, but it’s not impossible to remember that this is just a small season in a lifetime of being together with your man.