How Does Grammar Affect Our Attraction To Someone

Exploring the Roles that Spelling, Grammar, and Vocabulary Play in Dating and Attraction

Words and Relationships By Megan Shea

Our written communication has always been an important, but often overlooked element in our relationships.

As many of us navigate through the new normal of dating during a pandemic is even more important being placed on our words. 

So surveyed over 1,000 people who had actively dated in the past year to determine just how important grammar is when it comes to dating.

Does properly punctuating texts and messages really matter? Could it even be a dealbreaker? The findings revealed some rather surprising trends to keep in mind when pursuing your new flame. 

It turns out, grammar may play a bigger role in dating than we tend to assume. In fact, 69% of people admit they judge romantic interests in their spelling and grammar in texts. 

Thirty-four percent of respondents have even stopped messaging a romantic interest because of grammar/spelling errors.

Women are twice as likely to do this and ranked poor grammar to be the biggest turn-off. 

When it comes to online dating, proper grammar maybe even more important.

Poor grammar or spelling is a bigger turnoff on a dating profile than a negative outlook on life or signs of neediness. The only thing men deem a worse offense is over-editing profile photos.

To further put these findings in perspective, 52% of women say good grammar/spelling is more attractive than receiving gifts, with 45% of men in agreement. So perhaps one of the best gifts you can give is as simple as spending a few extra minutes proofreading that text.

To learn more about some of the most popular grammar mistakes singles are making, check out the infographics below.


Initial Attraction

Hundreds, maybe thousands, of books have been written on how to approach the dating world properly. But there’s one crucial skill that’s almost always overlooked – a skill that’s more important than gifts, pictures, and even looks. And that is proper spelling and grammar.

Just like when applying for a job, misspellings, bad grammar, and poor vocabulary can ruin your chances of seeming like the right romantic candidate.

But before you assume your English is perfect and your vocabulary superb, know that we spoke to over 1,000 people who had actively dated in the past year, and not only did they frequently find grammar and spelling errors but also other messaging mistakes that you may not have thought of.

If you’re looking to join the dating world – or successfully navigate out of it – you’ll want to keep scrolling.

Even if a person managed to make a great first impression to start messaging a romantic interest, 34% of respondents said they ultimately stopped messaging the person because they made consistent spelling or grammar mistakes.

Forty-six percent of women experienced this frustration, compared to just 26% of men.


Spell and You Shall Receive

The No. 1 turnoff for women who dated online was poor spelling or grammar.

It bothered more women than if the person were mean in a bio or overly eager or needy. In fact, improper spelling or grammar was more often offensive than a negative outlook on life, according to both the men and women surveyed.

Spelling or grammar problems certainly bothered men, but not as often as overly edited photos: 51% encountered and were frustrated by this problem.

If you’re concerned about financing your dating life, the following findings may make you feel better:

47% found proper spelling or grammar to be more attractive than receiving gifts,

and 43% said it was more attractive than someone insisting on paying.

Even though compliments are free, they weren’t as appealing as proper spelling or grammar, according to 29% of respondents.


Not a Good Look

Of course, not being able to understand a message at all bothered most respondents, but there were also some very specific spelling or grammar mistakes that really got under people’s skin.

Because more than half of respondents had encountered and felt bothered by the following errors, however, we’ll make sure to clear up any confusion for the sake of daters everywhere.


1. Incorrect usage of “they’re,” “their,” and “there” was noticed and found to be unattractive to 60% of respondents. helps distinguish each word with an image, showing they’re” with two expectant family members, as in “they’re expecting”;

“their” accompanying a family owning “their” dog; and

“there” with a picture of a house over “there.”

2. The misuses of “two,” “too,” and “to” bothered 59% of respondents when dating.

ThoughtCo. distinguishes these three words with the following (paraphrased) story:

“Two boys were walking to Tucson. One said, ‘I’m too tired to walk home.’ The other said, ‘Me too.’”

3. Remember that “you’re” means “you are.” More than half of people hated this mistake, as well.

Things that weren’t technically mistakes, however, could still bother a lot of respondents. For instance, purposely shortening words – like “u” for “you” – turned off 45% of respondents, and acronyms like “brb” and “gtg” were bothersome to 43%. It’s also worth noting that every one of these “mistakes” bothered women more often than men.

While we may live in a world where it’s so easy to rely on acronyms or the dreaded “u,” in place of “you,” but you want to make a great first impression, you want to show that you made an effort.

Anyone who relies on short cuts or doesn’t double-check what they wrote or in the subsequent messages they send are basically showing they don’t care enough to the take the time.


Spell the Attraction

Attraction blossomed when a romantic interest used a high level of vocabulary. Although we let respondents decide what “high level” meant, there are plenty of free vocabulary tests if you’d like a numeric score. Merriam-Webster also provides a vocabulary challenge to help you improve, no matter your current level.

Vocabulary quizzes might be more valuable than people think: Those using a high level of vocabulary on their dating profiles were almost twice as likely to go on five or more dates in the past six months. That said, those who continued to use a high vocabulary throughout their messaging were more frequently ghosted.

Perhaps those who verged on verbose territory lost their previous high ground.


Love Spells

The data could not have been more clear: Spelling and grammar are incredibly influential components of dating. Most respondents had noticed an issue before, whether on dating profiles or even in messages with someone they initially were attracted to.

If you’ve been particularly unfortunate with dating recently, you may want to go back and double-check your profile. If it’s perfect, you can help yourself make an even better first impression by improving your vocabulary. So, utilize some online resources and get back out there!



Methodology and Limitations

We used Prolific and Amazon Mechanical Turk to survey 1,006 people about the role that spelling, grammar, and vocabulary play in determining attractiveness.

For respondents to be included in our data, they were required to have actively dated sometime in the past year, complete the entire survey, and pass an attention-check question in the middle of each survey. Participants who failed to do any of these were excluded from the study.

Of all respondents, 56% were men; 43% were women, and 1% identified with a nonbinary gender. The average age of respondents was 35, with a standard deviation of 11 years. Sixty-six percent of respondents were single; 12% were in a relationship; 10% were married; 9% were divorced; 1% were engaged; and 1% were widowed.

In the visualization of turn-offs when looking at someone’s dating profile, respondents were instructed to select their top five out of the options (out of a total of 26 options).

The data we are presenting rely on self-reporting. There are many issues with self-reported data. These issues include, but are not limited to, selective memory, telescoping, attribution, and exaggeration. In finding averages of quantitative values, we removed outliers so that the data were not exaggerated.


Fair Use Statement

The dating world deserves better spelling and grammar and, therefore, deserves the information contained within this article. Feel free to share this with whoever you wish, but be sure to link back this page and that your purposes are noncommercial.

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