Okay, in today’s world, we obviously are able to access the people that we’re dating and find out about them before we’ve even gone on a date. However, one of the things that we really crave to know early on is are they being honest?
Are they actually doing what they’re saying? Are they on the same page or are they dating other people at the same time?
They’re in and out, the last thing that you want to do is invest all this time and energy into somebody and then find out a couple of months down the track that they weren’t being honest. That they were lying to you, that they were seeing other people and they never really wanted a relationship.
What I want to do is I want to set you up for success in dating, and I want to give you some tips in this blog on how to at least get a clear idea if they are being honest early on, so you can avoid that heartbreak or those surprises later on down the track.
Hey, everyone, I’m Renee Slansky. I am a professional dating and relationship coach, and I help women date smart. I help them make love easier and set themselves up to be able to break toxic cycles and get the peace and progress in the relationships that they want.
Now, in this blog, as I mentioned, I want to set you up to be aware of what to look for early on when you’re dating someone, to work out if you’re actually on the same page and they are being honest with you.
But before I do that, don’t forget to subscribe to my Youtube channel, turn on your notification button, so you don’t miss any of my videos. Drop a thanks Renee down below and let’s dive into it now.
Consistency is a really easy way to get an idea of somebody’s character and intentions.
Now remember this, when you are dating someone for the first couple of dates, they’re most likely going to be on their best behavior, because they’re trying to win you over. This is what we do when we date, we’re trying to impress the other person, so don’t get swept up in just what you see on the first couple of dates, try to look beyond the good behavior.
How do they talk in between dates? Are they someone that actually follows through? If they say something, for example, that they’d go into the call, are they someone that actually then calls when they say they will? Are they someone who is consistently fidgeting, distracted when they’re around you?
Try and pinpoint what happens when you go on a date with them, and when you’re not on a date with them, and you’re just having some sort of communication in between.
The reason why consistency in their actions, their words, and their behavior is so important is that we, as humans, tend to operate out of our habits.
We tend to operate out of our subconscious and our subconscious is basically what our default character is.
For example, if you like tea and you make a cup of tea, you probably don’t even think about how you make your cup of tea. You just make it the same way every single time, that is a habit for you, that is a default. It is something that you subconsciously automatically do without thinking about it.
Well, we do the same in other areas of our life, in the words that we speak, in the way that we respond to people, in the way that we respond to conflict, in the way that we respond to things when we’re under tension or being questioned.
It’s not about interrogating him when you go on dates, but rather just being aware of how he responds to you, the environment when you are in his presence.
Also, what is the consistently doing in between those dates? Is he flaking out on you? Which I have done a blog on and you can check that out later. Is he someone who says something and then doesn’t actually follow through? Is he someone who constantly hides his phone or has excuses?
Therefore, you’re starting to feel that, hang on a second, this has actually happened more than once, this is a red flag.
Another thing before I jump into the second point is his stories, check his stories.
If he says one thing and then it doesn’t match up with another story he said, and you can find some incongruences in between his stories.
That could be an indication that he is actually making things up and that he’s not being honest with you.
2. Body language
Somebody who is honest doesn’t have anything to hide. Now, what we need to, I guess, discern at this point here is, a guy can go on a date with you and he can be really nervous because he likes you.
He might be a little bit fidgety, he may not be able to hold eye contact. But it doesn’t necessarily mean that he’s hiding something, perhaps he’s just nervous.
However, over time, again, you want to look for what he’s consistent in. Is he always like this with you or does he become more confident when he is with you? Is his body language something that is open and warm? Does he make strong eye contact with you? Maybe not on the first date, but as he gets to know you, and feel safe, and comfortable around you. Is he somebody who is constantly checking his phone? Fidgeting all the time? and or looking around?
People who feel they have something to hide often overreact or overcompensate at that moment. A good way to know if they are doing that is when you talk about certain things, for example, if you pose the question, are you seeing anybody else?
Are you still on dating apps? How does he respond to that? How does his body language respond to that? Does he get really nervous? Start to looking around? Does he change the subject? Brush things off? What is his energy saying about him when you are actually asking questions that are quite direct?
Because people can say something to you, but their body language and their energy can say something completely different.
Somebody who is dishonest is somebody who avoids questions, they avoid commitment, they avoid planning things in advance, and they’re just generally quite avoidant anyway.
Now, this is something that, again, you’ll probably see over time. Now, if he cancels one date because he’s busy, it doesn’t necessarily mean that he’s hooking up with another girl, and he’s being dishonest behind your back.
However, if this does happen again and again, where he avoids having… Being seen with you in a public place, or he avoids holding your hand, or he avoids talking about questions like I just said before, are you seeing other people? Are you still on dating apps? Or he avoids conversations, say, for example, you’re on a date with each other.
His phone goes off and you can see it’s a message from a girl, and you ask him, “Who’s that girl?” and he just changes the subject.
People who avoid conflict, or avoid certain conversations, or questions that you ask them, or who avoid certain levels of commitment at the stages that they’re meant to happen are probably not being a hundred percent honest with you with where they’re at, with what they want, and with what they’re doing outside of actually getting to know you.
4. Red flags
A lot of the time we women go out there and we date from a place of what we’ve experienced, or what we think we know about dating.
Then if you’re not aware of red flags to look for early on, we find ourselves attached and committed to men and relationships that later on reveal themselves to be quite toxic, or basically not meet our expectations, needs want, and desires.
This is why I’ve put together a free red flag cheat sheet. Now, what this cheat sheet is designed to do is to help you identify early on, even from the first stages of texting each other, the first couple of dates, then later on.
I’ve divided it into sections so that you ladies can take it and use it for wherever it applies for you in your dating life, to work out, okay, is this a red flag here, and what is going to be the consequence if I continue to engage with this person?
If somebody is being dishonest, you will feel it, you will sense it, you will have more questions than you will have answers. I think we can sometimes get paranoid, we can be like, “I’m not sure, am I just not giving him enough of a chance?”
However, if something consistently comes up within yourself, a certain feeling, you feel something’s off.
Stuff isn’t adding up, you feel like he’s hiding something, and you not necessarily being over-analytical, anxious, or crazy.
Then you’re probably right, and I don’t think that we should ignore women’s intuition.
I don’t think we should react every time we feel something.
For some of you ladies out there, you have an anxious tendency and I’ve done so many dating blogs on how to date with any anxiety.
I really suggest going to check them out.
But in general, if you all putting these things together and you’re realizing, okay, he’s inconsistent here with his stories. He turns his phone down when he’s with me, so I can’t see his screen. He avoids questions when I talk about is he seeing somebody else?
On top of that, you’re feeling a sense of uneasiness. Well, guess what? You’re probably on the mark, and he probably isn’t being honest with what he is doing or where he is at.
What he says is the truth, he does want to date you.
- If he only wants to see you
- Wants to build something with you
What he makes you feel when in private should be the same as how he is with you in public.
There is no way that he’s all amazing behind closed doors, but when you get in public he pretends that you’re just a friend, or he doesn’t want to hold your hand, or not affectionate, or if there’s another woman around he likes and stops engaging with you.
He should be the same the whole way through.
If he’s really into you, he will be consistent with showing how much he loves you regardless of the circumstances. Whatever or whoever is around him.
All right, girls, I hope that this blog has helped you. Let me know if you think the guy that you’re dating is being honest or dishonest. All right, don’t forget to grab your free red flag cheat sheet, and I will see you guys next time. Don’t forget to subscribe to my Youtube channel, turn on the notifications, and bye for now.