Let’s talk about being a rebound.
I want to actually talk about what a rebound is in the first place. A rebound is basically when one person gets out of a relationship and then they go and have an instant relationship with somebody else.
Maybe you’ve seen your ex-boyfriend do it, where they had a relationship with you, said how upset they were when you guys broke up, but then you go and hear that they’ve moved on instantly.
They’ve gone on and started this serious relationship with somebody else and you’re sitting there wondering, “Okay, how does that work?”
What’s more painful is if you actually become the rebound, whereas a guy starts something with you and then you realize that it never really was for the right intentions and that it probably isn’t going to go anywhere.
Let’s jump into those signs:
Number one: He openly tells you that he’s just gotten out of a relationship.
Ladies, half the time you can avoid the battles that you are going through by not even entering into that relationship in the first place.
If you’ve met a guy and he tells you straight away that he’s just gotten out of a relationship or he’s just going through a divorce or he’s just separated from his wife, 99.9% of the time, he won’t actually be ready to jump straight into another relationship or even start one to see where it is going to go.
The reason why is because people need time to heal and process things.
Even if a guy has ended a relationship and he felt that maybe for the last year it was all falling apart and it wasn’t really working anyway.
If he starts talking about it in a way where he’s really reminiscing about it, and it’s something that he openly says to you straight away, like it’s literally in the first part of the conversations that you might have, “I just got out of a relationship,” then he probably really isn’t ready to get into another one.
And if he’s just gotten out of a relationship, why is he already looking for one again so soon?
Why is he on dating apps so soon if you’ve just got an out of one?
Now, the reason why is because, well, he’s hoping that he can have a distraction from his pain.
He’s hoping that he can have some sort of attention from other women to make him feel better about himself and to, again, distract from maybe the hole that was left in his heart from his previous relationship.
There’s a whole lot of reasons why people go and try and find love straight away when they are hurt by the previous love that they had. But my point is, is that you don’t have to engage in that.
You don’t have to be the one to try and heal him and fix him. If you start something with somebody who tells you right from the beginning that they’ve just ended something with somebody else, then chances are you will actually be a rebound.
Number two: He isn’t emotionally available.
And I have actually done a video on this before, 10 Signs That a Guy is Emotionally Unavailable.
But if a guy essentially is spending time with you but he’s not really present, or he doesn’t express emotions, or he doesn’t try to have some sort of emotional intimacy.
When I say emotional intimacy, I mean he’s being vulnerable with you. He’s building trust with you. He’s being transparent with you.
If he’s not wanting to do those things, well then he probably really isn’t wanting to have a relationship that is actually going to go into something deep.
Number three: He has hot and cold behaviour.
Okay. If you’re in a rebound relationship, what I’ve found is these guys will be all in, and they’ll want to see you every day, and they’ll communicate with you, and they’ll be fixated on you, and then all of a sudden they’ll pull right back.
And it’s kind of these yo-yos sort of behavior. And I had done another video on what to do when a guy goes hot and cold, and I’ll link that down below as well.
But really it’s like he has this reaction to what he’s going through, and that’s what a rebound is. When you think about rebound, okay, let’s just kind of paint a picture here.
When you pull an elastic back, if you pull it back further enough and then you let go, it’s going to snap back, right?
And that’s what they’re doing, is they’re having this reaction to what it is that they’re going through by almost having this extreme behavior.
And to be honest, I see men do this more so than women. I actually see men actually go on the rebound more than women, because it’s their way to be able to process what is going on.
For majority of us women, when we go through a breakup, we kind of take our time to heal and to cry. We talk to our girlfriends, we don’t want to date anyone.
For men, they’re on the dating app straight away. They want to go and have sex. They want to go and have that attention from women because it’s their way to deal with the emotional pain that they’re actually going through.
Number four: He still talks about his ex.
If a guy constantly speaks about his ex, even if it’s in a negative context, like, “Oh, she really hurt me,” or, “She was this, she was that, blah, blah, blah. I’m so glad that it’s over.”
Well, chances are she’s still on his mind. And so if he’s openly telling you about his past relationship when you’re just starting to build a new relationship with him, that is what he’s focusing on and that is what he’s thinking on.
Her, not you. And if he’s still thinking about her, chances are he’s still processing the pain and the memories and the time that he had with her as well, and you’re just on the receiving end of that.
And that is the problem with being a rebound girlfriend, is you have to kind of just sit back and take whatever it is that they give you with no certain indication that there’s going to be a healthy relationship or a future at the end of it.
Rebound relationships majority of the time don’t work out, and they’re not really healthy or fulfilling because they’re not coming from a place of wholeness and they’re not coming from the right mindset in the first place.
Which brings me to the last point, number five: You give more than what he does.
And this is going to be evident because you’re always doing more effort, and you’re always doing things to be able to suit him.
It’s more about what is convenient for him, and you feel that you’re constantly giving and walking on eggshells and doing all this work and you’re not really having any certainty or the same level of give back from him.
If you are a rebound girlfriend, like I said, you’re kind of on the receiving end of his reaction to his breakup, so therefore you’ll probably get all sorts of stuff.
One day you’ll get lots from him and the other day you won’t get much at all.
Either way, there will be consistent, I guess, pattern of you always feeling that you’re putting way more effort in and that you’re willing to step up and commit but he isn’t on the same page as you.
If you have any of those signs or a couple of them, it’s not the ideal sort of relationship to be in. And as I said earlier on, if you know how to just avoid the battle in the first place by attracting good quality men who are whole, who are healed, who are ready to actually invest into you, well then that sounds so much more fun than dating somebody who is treating you like a rebound.