Yes, I’m going to do a blog on this, so let’s dive into it right now. some of you might have clicked on this tile and thought, “What the heck, Renee? Are you endorsing women dating married men?” Absolutely not.
However, this was a question that actually came to me and I know that this is a scenario that happens more than often, so this is why I want to address it. I think it’s important to be able to bring these common battles, even if we don’t agree with them, and even if we would never do it, we need to talk about it so people understand what is healthy and what is unhealthy.
Hey, everyone. I’m Renee Slansky and welcome back to my blog. Before I jump into the actions of what you need to do, visit my YouTube Channel and click on the subscribe button, don’t forget to give me a thumbs-up, and drop a “Thanks, Renee” comment down below if this blog helps you.
The first thing that you need to do is you need to leave him.
The reason why is this.
Someone else’s husband is not your soulmate.
They have already made a commitment to somebody else and by them breaking that commitment partially whilst then trying to build another partial commitment with you, you have someone that is incredibly divided.
I have heard so many horror stories of women basically staying in a relationship with someone for years and years, even over a decade, hoping that that man will eventually leave his wife. Guess what? He didn’t. He ended up going back to his wife and he stayed with her. The wife essentially took him back even though she knew that he was having a long-term affair.
In this sort of situation, you need to be able to remove yourself emotionally from it and look at it from a point of wisdom and a point of logic.
Trying to build a relationship with somebody that is already in a relationship with someone else is not going to give you a strong foundation.
All it’s going to do is produce a lot of confusion, a lot of unmet expectations, and it’s going to have you feeling that you have to keep doing all the work or waiting or holding onto all these promises before you finally get what it is that you want.
The second thing that you need to do is you need to look at the reality of the situation and not the fairy tale.
The reality is, is that he is married to somebody else. If he really loved you, and then you had to put that love into action, then he wouldn’t be with somebody else when he’d actually started to build a relationship with you.
Now, I understand that sometimes people can fall out of love with their spouse and still remain married to them and hence, why they feel they can fall in love with somebody else.
However, if we made decisions just based on how we felt rather than what we should actually do to produce healthy foundations and healthy fundamentals in a relationship, then we’re always going to just be led by our feelings and we’re never really going to get the peace and progress that we want.
If he really, really wanted to build a relationship with you, he would have already ended things with his wife.
I know that that is a cold, hard truth, but I’m here to be as black and white as possible so that you aren’t setting yourself up to have this fairy tale mindset attached to a relationship that didn’t have a strong foundation in the first place.
We have to keep looking at the reality of the situation and the patterns, not the potential or the promises.
Now, the next thing that you need to do is you need to set boundaries.
This is where it will really test whether or not he is actually going to follow through on his word.
Because what happens is, is a lot of you ladies hold on to that promise of him saying, “Yeah, I’m going to leave her. I’m going to get divorced. I’m going to do this. I’m going to do that.” Then we just wait and wait and wait, and it never actually happens.
We get frustrated and we give him another chance and another chance.
Before you know it, a year passes and then two years passes and you’re still in the same position. You get lured back in every time because you’re in love with him.
Don’t beat yourself up. It is okay. However, you need to look at the situation again for what it is, not what you want it to be.
You’ve got to understand that you are accountable to what you do to get an answer.
Now, it may not be the answer that you want. I know that you want the answer to be he leaves his wife and he builds a committed relationship with you and you guys get married and you live happily ever after.
However, most of the time that isn’t what happens.
We need to set some boundaries here.
You need to communicate to him that you’re not just going to be the other woman.
You need to basically say, “Well, until you’ve made a decision about what you’re doing with your current wife, and you’ve told her, and you have put things into motion, okay?”
Because it’s one thing for him to just desire to leave his wife. It’s another thing for him to actually follow through.
You need to allow him to make a decision and you need to put down a boundary and say, “Until you make a decision, you do not get to have access to me.”
The last thing that I want to say is frustration is an opportunity for revelation.
I think that if you’re already in a relationship with someone who is married to another person, there is something that just isn’t right there.
Again, you don’t have a strong foundation, and whilst you may be deeply in love with him and he may be in love with you, love, unfortunately, isn’t enough to be able to build a healthy relationship or not the feeling of love.
If you’re frustrated by someone’s actions, it is an opportunity to stop and look at the situation and go, “Okay, why did this happen in the first place?” Because I’m pretty sure you didn’t mean to fall in love with a married man, right?
We don’t go out looking for married men and then hoping to have their marriages fall apart so we can be with them, okay? It’s usually something that kind of just happens. Maybe you didn’t know he was married in the beginning.
However, when you did find out, you did actually have an opportunity to end it.
Although it’s hard to end a relationship when you’re in love with someone, I completely understand that.
However, we are responsible for what happens in our life.
Our happiness is our responsibility and the progress that we have and the standards that we have in a relationship are also part of our responsibility as well.
I think that this is an opportunity to ask yourself, “How did this even happen in the first place?” Do you maybe have some limiting beliefs within yourself, some self-sabotaging patterns? Do you not understand your true worth? Do you not understand the foundations of what actually is meant to set you up for a healthy relationship?
Either way, the struggle that you’re going through right now needs to be addressed and there needs to be some sort of awareness of why it happened in the first place.
All right, girls and guys, I hope that this blog has blessed you. If you want to be able to talk about this with me privately, you do have the opportunity to be able to book a coaching session, just click here.
For anyone that is going through this, know that I will not shame you. I’m not here to judge you. I’m here to be able to help you get the progress and the peace and the loving, committed relationship that you really are deserving of.
Now, if you’re someone that is thinking, “Okay, I’m not ready for full-on private coaching just yet.” I do have a private Facebook group, which is only for women, and it’s a place to be able to share our struggles and advice so I recommend joining that, just click here.