Are you in love or just infatuated?

So what is the difference between the two?

When you finally meet someone whose mere presence rocks your world, one look melts your heart and scrambles the brain, it’s easy to become quickly obsessed about that person.

All reason and logic goes out the window, your mind is consumed with thoughts of them and every move you make centres around their existence and your blossoming love

. This strange behaviour, otherwise known as being totally infatuated can be mistaken as falling in love. Have you ever met those people (or perhaps you have even been one…) where they talk about this “..Amazing guy, he’s the One, OMG I’m falling in love!!He’s perfeccccttttt!” , and then a couple of weeks or months later they have already moved onto someone new because “ it just didn’t work out” ?

Or perhaps some of your friends have this 2 year cycle of ‘finding the one, falling in love, moving in and then separating’?

The thing is firstly no man is perfect (and sadly no woman) and if we take of the rose coloured glasses for a few moments we might see relationships for exactly what they are: consistent hard work with great rewards.

When the honeymoon phase; which studies show usually lasts around 2 years, ends we begin to notice things about our partner we never saw before.

We start to get irritated by the little things that before we just use to laugh off, we notice our incompatibility in specific areas, and perhaps realise that you don’t know our partner in detail and have even lost your own identity in the process.

Or for others, the fighting seems to become more consistent than the good times, change in circumstance causes division instead of unity and it gets to a point where you begin to question your feeling towards them.

Love is a gradual process not limited by time or circumstance, but something that grows with your relationship.

Infatuation is instant, has an expiry date and is solely focused on the now.

So how do you know if you are truly in love with your man? When your head and heart and even your friends say 3 completely different things, here are 12 tests that you can use as a checklist against your relationship:

  • You’ve past the infatuation stage( which can last up to 2 years) and still feel the same way if not even stronger about them
  • You know your partner in detail, you could write a bio on them, everything from their good points and bad, to their little habits, goals, favourite colour and foods etc
  • You care about their needs and how you can meet them instead of just focusing on what you want from the relationship.
  • They are the first and last thing on your mind from the start of the day till the end (and all the in between part too!) You aren’t tempted or even attracted to anyone else.
  • You trust them and are secure in your relationship, you are not jealous because you know them and their character well.
  • You dream about the potential of your future with them, but you do not lose focus on your own life, goals and dreams, you are still a whole person, they just add to your happiness.
  • You can get through a problem and solve it in a healthy way and still feel the same. You can forgive and move on from the issue
  • You are able to spend time apart and be happy in yourself. You don’t need to be with them 24/7.
  • It’s not just about the physical attraction, you see beyond their looks and the sexual attraction, who they are, their personality captivates you.
  • You are affectionate and intimate in a loving way not a sexual way all the time
  • You have been together for awhile , gone through seasons and trials and lasted and still feel the same if not even more in love
  • You understand the importance of delayed gratification, patience and practicality. Rushing into marriage isn’t an option; you would rather wait till it was right because you are sure of what you both have.

Being swept off your feet, fireworks and passion are also needed in a relationship and something you should indulge in, but at the end of the day, you need to be sure that it is built on a foundation of unconditional, strong, ever growing love. Because that is what will see you through the seasons of change and trial, that is what will give you longevity in your relationship.


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