Ladies, we’re not in Disneyland.
In this video, I want to talk about the whole phenomenon, which I think is drilled into us ladies at a young age when we’re little girls and we’re watching all those fairytales.
Where we have the princess in the castle, the man who fights with dragons to come and rescue us, and therefore be our true love.
Hi, everyone. Welcome back to my blog. I’m Renee Slansky. I am a professional dating and relationship coach and I help women from around the world break those toxic cycles, get the pace and the progress that they want, and set themselves up for an abundant love life.
Now, thankfully, modern Disney films like Frozen and Mulan and, goodness, all those other amazing ones out there are actually starting to change that narrative. They’re showing that women can actually rescue themselves. And in some aspects, actually rescue the men, which isn’t a bad thing, guys, stay with me.
So in this blog, I’m going to give you six reasons, ladies, why we need to change that narrative and start to be your own rescue instead of always waiting for a man to come along and save you. All right, ladies, tip number one.
The first thing you need to understand is that it’s not a man’s job to rescue you.
Now, obviously, there is a big difference biologically and scientifically between men and women. If you’ve read Men Are from Mars and Women Are from Venus, we have this concept that men are providers and protectors and hunters, and women are the nurturers and the gatherers.
Obviously were built with different desires and different characteristics and wants in order to be able to complement each other.
However, giving men the identity that they have to solve all our issues all the time, really takes away from our responsibility as a woman and as a future partner. And it also puts a lot of pressure on men.
When you think about caveman times and you had the hunters and the gatherers, that really represents a team.
It wasn’t men going out and providing and protecting and conquering just so that it could come back and women do nothing.
The women were there gathering, nurturing, raising, doing what they needed to do because they knew that it was going to bring the balance to what it is that men needed, and if you’re someone who constantly feels that you need to be rescued by men, you’re putting yourself in a position where you are almost either in denial of what you need to solve yourself.
If you think that happiness comes from having a man come in and basically sweep you off your feet and solve all your issues for you.
Now, whether your issues are financial, so therefore you think, I need to marry a rich man.
Whether your issues are emotional based from your childhood, and therefore you think, I need a father figure because I never had it as a child.
Whatever it is, your struggle and who you attract will be an indication of what you believe needs to happen in order for you to feel happy. And that will give you a further indication of why you believe you need to be rescued from this situation.
Now, dating someone just to provide for you because you don’t want to learn how to provide for yourself, again, means that you have the wrong idea about what a man should do, and what value he actually brings. Again, ladies, men may have a hero mentality built within them, which is amazing and something that we love.
However, putting that pressure on him to constantly be your hero, constantly be your predictor, constantly provide solutions is just going to A, turn him off and feel like he’s never going to be able to make you happy, that you’re high maintenance, and that what he does will never be enough.
Number two, owning you and your identity and your struggle is actually a way to empower yourself.
When I look to be my own rescue and I learn how to solve my issues first, instead of waiting for a man to solve them, it gave me a sense of accomplishment.
It gave me a sense of empowerment.
It helped me learn more about myself so that I could step into my full potential.
A lot of you ladies are so scared to address some of the issues in your life, that you shift your focus onto having a man love you, value you, want you and do things for you, but you miss out on the fullness that you can actually have as an individual first.
And with that fullness, does carry this different element of confidence and almost this element of, hang on a second, I know that if all else falls apart, I’m going to be okay.
Now the third reason is this. You are responsible for your happiness.
And I believe that whereas a man can add to your happiness, he shouldn’t be the sole reason why you are only happy.
If you’re somebody who is constantly feeling that you need to be rescued, or you need a man to make you happy, or you’ve put love a pedestal or a man on a pedestal, you’re going to be in the position to basically be disappointed.
If we elevate something above ourselves and constantly put it out of outrage and constantly look up to it, we put a lot of pressure on it to provide something which realistically it can’t provide us all the time.
Happiness is an inside job, and you’ve probably heard that million times, but maybe you’ve never experienced it.
I believe that the right relationship can really help contribute to our healing, and that there are certain times where, who we date and align with does maybe rescue certain parts of us.
However, it’s not their primary job to rescue us. And it shouldn’t be the primary focus of why you’re dating them.
If we learn how to create our own happiness first and really solidify our own identity outside of a man and outside of a relationship, it puts us in a position of abundance.
It puts us in a position to be able to choose someone who contributes to that, instead of coming in and just either taking from it or being everything about it. And then us feeling like, hang on a second, I’m nothing without this person, which isn’t true.
All right, ladies, before I jump into number four, don’t forget to subscribe and drop a thanks Renee, to my Youtube Channel.
If you are somebody who feels that you constantly need to be rescued all the time, or you attract the wrong men, or you just don’t know how to break that needy cycle, download my free guide, Are You Dateable? This guide is actually a bit of an audit and it asks you several key questions to help you work out, are you someone who’s even ready to date or is there still a little bit of work to do on yourself? Click here.
Number four, Stop waiting for men to rescue and break the mentality
If you constantly believe that you need to be rescued, you’re basically placing yourself in a state of being a victim.
And if we’re thinking that we’re a victim of life or circumstances of coronavirus, of an abandoned father, of a crappy childhood, of that love, it makes us A, either align with people who can take advantage of that victimness. B, push away the really good people who want to add value to our life. And C, never actually allow us to step into a position where we take control of what we can do with what we already have and learn how to become a thriver, not a survivor.
The survivor is that victim mentality where you’re like, well, I’ll survive divorce or I’ll survive this and that, which is obviously traumatic and not something that we should downplay.
However, the whole point of having an abundant love life and attracting someone who is actually able to add value to your life, is to be in a position where you want to thrive, where you’re starting to take control of your thoughts and your words and the things that you do so that you are being accountable and responsible to the life that you’re building in order to be able to attract the relationship that you want.
I can tell you right now, ladies, if you are a constant victim of your circumstances or your past, and you are dating a guy, he may have compassion for you first and want to help you, but eventually he will be tired. Then you will feel like your needs aren’t being met.
It would just be a really unhealthy cycle.
Number five, You are your own rescue.
When you learn to be your own rescue, ladies, you learn to be your own hero, it puts you in a place of abundance and means that we’re not constantly fearful or lacking. And therefore, we’re coming from this mindset of scarcity.
We are instead coming from a place of abundance, from a cup runneth all over and this place of abundance gives us the confidence to be able to set boundaries, to know our worth, to set standards, and to be able to choose the right person who is able to actually make our life even better.
If you feel like, help, help, save me, rescue me. You may attract a great man who will eventually get tired of that victim mentality, or you may attract a man who actually takes advantage of that, which is not what we want.
So breaking all of this, being your own rescue will put you in a place of abundance and give you the freedom to be able to choose, and probably the wisdom to know who to choose.
Lastly, number six, Men aren’t just designed to rescue us and that’s what they do
I’m sure I have a lot of guys watching this. So you let me know as well what your thoughts are on this.
The truth is, ladies, is that men want more and mentors serve more, and so do you.
Men aren’t just designed to rescue us and that’s what they do.
Men are designed to just provide for us and that’s all they do.
Men matter, and what they desire matter.
A healthy relationship is about equal partnership here.
It’s about a man understanding his role, a female understanding her role, and then coming together in harmony to actually work together as a team.
Assigning him this role that he constantly needs to be the provider or the rescuer or the one to fix all your problems is actually really selfish.
I know this may not sit well with some of the women out there, but I’m coming from a professional point of view, and I’m coming from a place where I coach both men and women.
I’m also coming from a point of view where I want you to realize that you deserve more as well, ladies, and you probably want more.
You want to maybe in a position where you feel empowered first, before you start dating, or you feel like you can actually rescue yourself and solve some of your own issues.
Because you probably can’t. It’s just a matter of obviously facing the fear and being able to step out. But again, if you want to have an amazing relationship, you can’t keep expecting a guy to do something that is also your job as well.
All right, ladies and guys, that’s it for this blog. I hope that it has helped you. Ladies, highly recommend that you download my free guide, Are You Dateable? Do the self audit and work out where maybe you need to work on a few problems or issues or frustrations, and know that we’re all a work in progress.
And can I just say, when you do learn to rescue yourself, when you do learn to be your own hero, there is just something magical that happens.
Your self love goes up, your self-esteem goes up, your confidence goes up, and you arrive at this point where you realize, I am enough. And then the person who you align with just affirms that even more. A
nd if you do want to work with me one-on-one, the link to be able to do that is down below as well. All right, that’s it. I will see you next time. Don’t forget to subscribe, give me a thumbs up and drop a, thanks Renee. Bye for now.