Things were great , then he wanted to end it.
What happens when things are going really great in your relationship? Maybe you’ve gone on a couple of dates, you’re really starting to feel a strong connection with this guy and you think this is it.
This is a one, this is going to go somewhere.
And then he pulls back. The texts become less, he goes more distant, maybe even turns around and says, “I’m not ready for a relationship.”
Why is it that men pull back when things are going really great?
In this video, I tell you why.
I want to talk about something that is super, super common and it’s basically when you’re dating a guy and you feel that you have a connection with him, he’s been texting you, he’s being a gentleman, he’s been romancing you.
And essentially, let’s be honest, things have been going pretty damn good. But then, just when you think it’s going to progress to the next level or just when you know you might go on the next few dates, he really starts to pull back.
And you know he does because he becomes a lot more brief in his conversations. He doesn’t text as much, he becomes really blahzay with when he can meet up with you next and you’re just like, “Why isn’t this man invested in you any longer?”
Well, I’m going to give you some cold, harsh truth right now.
Number one. I cannot be any more blunt than this other than he wanted sex.
Sometimes you girls go on dates or you date these guys and you say to them, “I don’t want to have sex, I don’t want to have sex.” And he’s like, “No, that’s cool, that’s cool. I respect that.” And he takes you on this awesome first date and then the next day you go back to his house.
And when you’re back at his house, he’s like, “Oh, that’s okay, we’re not having sex.” But then you end up making it out and maybe doing everything else but sex.
And then you wonder why you don’t hear from him as much. Or maybe go on a few more dates and you always end up back at his house in these compromising positions but then you never actually go the full way and you tell him every single time, “I don’t want sex.”
All right ladies, this is the truth. He wanted sex, hence why he wanted to get you back to his house and hence why he was trying to initiate making out, even if he says, “No, no, no.”
Now a guy can say “No, no, no,” because obviously he’s not going to force you. However, that is what he ultimately desires.
And if he dates a girl and sees a girl that he’s physically attracted to and he’s able to get her back and you guys are able to have a great chemistry and connection but he’s then not able to have sex with you even though you’re giving him indications of wanting to have sex, it’s going to be incredibly frustrating for him.
He’s going to see it as something that is just too much hard work and he’s also going to see it as, “Well, I’m not going to get sex, so why should I continue to date this girl?”
My advice in this sort of scenario, don’t go back to his house straight away, don’t go start making out or putting yourself in intimate sort of environments where it’s easy to kind of get halfway and then all of a sudden say, “Stop,” to him.
Just set that standard right from the beginning because this will really help you work out does this guy want more than sex? Or is he only wanting sex?
Number two; there wasn’t enough tension to continue.
If you want a guy to ultimately start to woo you and commit to you and take it to the next level, then you have to give them a reason to be able to want to do that.
I’m not saying that you’re not fabulous and that you don’t have a lot to offer. I’m saying that in a relationship, when you’re building something with someone, there’s two roles. There’s your role and there’s his role.
So it’s not just about understanding what you bring, as in who you are, it’s also about understanding, well, what do men need? And men need some sort of tension. They need some tension to actually move them through the process to wanting to continue to invest in you and wanting to continue a relationship.
For example, if you are seeing a guy and you just go straight into familiar territory straight away, which is basically hanging out at each other’s houses, you’ve taken it from the dating phase into the relationship phase.
You haven’t really given him a chance to earn the relationship phase, you’ve just given him the relationship phase without, A, really knowing his intentions and character and, B, without him having to do a lot to be able to actually have the right to be able to be in a comfortable, intimate and familiar environment with you.
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Number three. To be honest, it wasn’t that great. You thought it was great that he just didn’t.
I find it hilarious when people say, “But I had such a great connection.” Connection actually that two people, hence the word connect, and you can’t have a great connection with someone if they’re not actually feeling it.
You’re telling yourself that you have a great connection based off your desires of what you want around that person, but the reality is that if they’re not feeling it, well, there isn’t a great connection because you need two people to make it a great connection.
You might be thinking, well, it was great. I had a great connection. But he could be thinking something completely different, hence why he’s actually pulled back.
Number four, plain and simple, he just isn’t ready for our relationship and he isn’t ready for commitment.
He loves the fun stage, he loves getting to know you. Things have started to heat up and get a bit more serious and he realizes that he’s just not ready for this.
Whether he has an attachment style or whether he’s someone who’s just come out of a relationship. There can be lots of reasons. It’s not your job to try and go and fix him or force him or convince him, but rather understanding, “Am I even dating someone in the first place that is emotionally available?”
Number five, you’ve given him too much without him having to earn it.
Essentially, this kind of brings me back to the whole tension thing. You’ve basically made it too easy for him, so now he’s just like, “Well, where’s the challenge in this?
Or how do I know that this is the woman for me because I don’t feel like she’s necessarily adding extra value to my life.” Now, it’s not about playing hard to get or being high maintenance ladies. Again, it’s just about understanding how men work.
And lastly, number six, his priorities have shifted.
What I say sometimes, ladies, is you girls will go on a date with a guy thinking things can be going really well, but then something can happen in his life. Maybe he’s just lost his job or maybe, I don’t know, his mom’s lost his job and he feels responsible for her.
Stuff happens. And how somebody responds to stuff is essentially part of the evaluation period of working out, okay, is this the right person for me? Is this someone who’s able to build something with me?
Because when conflict happens or circumstances happen, they don’t just like run away or disappear. If his priorities have shifted because he’s now focused more on work or family or something else that’s been going on, that could be a reason why he’s pulled back.
It doesn’t necessarily have to mean that you’re a bad date or that you know you’re not right for him.
What I would do in this scenario is I would communicate with him and try and work out, well, what is his priority right now?
Is it temporary or is it something that is really going to take up his emotional and mental capacity? Therefore, he won’t actually be able to prioritize you through it.
And girls, this isn’t a bad thing. As I said, dating is about working out are we on the same page even when crap happens?