Why Intimacy and Sex Are Two Different Things

One of the major problems in relationships, is confusing sex with love .

Whilst sex is a form of love, being intimate with someone goes beyond just the physical sense. True intimacy with someone is about creating an emotional connection that is enhanced when you are physically joined.

You can be build intimacy without sex , and you can have sex without feeling intimately connected to someone . But both are needed in a healthy relationship because they go hand in hand to give you a more fulfilling sex life and relationship.

If you want to enhance your relationship and make it more than just surface level , then you have to be aware of how to build true intimacy even in the absence of sex.  

But more than that , you have to understand that intimacy isn’t a one way street. One person feeling it and the other not even aware of it , doesn’t really paint a picture of a deep bond.

True intimacy is about a unity of two people body and soul, those moments where you know exactly what each other are thinking . Or those times when words alone could not describe a special moment between you two.

So let’s look at some ways to increase the intimacy in your relationship:

1: Switch on the communication

Communication in a relationship isn’t just great for expelling expectations and reducing conflict . It’s also a wonderful way to express emotions and connect with your spouse.

Asking them everything from trivial things about their day through to long deep conversations will not only make your partner feel prioritised and valued , but it will give you a deeper understanding of who they are.

Whilst there can be beauty in silent moments and communication through touch , talking to them will help keep things transparent and encourage them to feel safe when being verbally vulnerable.

The key is to not only ask questions but to also affirm their answers.

2: Learn their love language 

The best and fastest way to build lasting intimacy ,is by learning your partner’s love language.

Their way to feel loved might be entirely different to how you express love to them . Hence why one person can feel undervalued even though the other thinks they are doing everything they can.

The 5 love languages is a basic fundamental of any relationship and is literally one of the building block of creating deep intimacy with someone. So do yourself a favour and take the time to really work out what yours and your partners love language is.


3: Have sex regularly

Every time you have sex or are physically intimate you reignite and strengthen the emotional bond between you both. The thing is most of the time we forget to have sex, or we only do it when we feel like it.

If you want to have a healthy marriage then sex needs to still be in your top 5 list ,even when you’re tired!  You might feel ridiculous for scheduling it in , but it is necessary if you want to continue to build intimacy , satisfaction and resilience to temptation in your relationship.

Why not spice it up a little and go to different destinations to make love , or try and keep things spontaneous by trying new things and taking your time with each other.

Sex becomes so much more fulfilling when we make time for it and intimacy grows stronger as a result by default.


4: Increase the teamwork

When you are both in neutral uncharted territory or circumstances , you are forced to work together as a team. This builds trust , increases communication and means that you relay on each other more.

It’s not to say you have to throw yourself onto a desert island and build a raft to get off! Simply booking a holiday or going away to somewhere new means you are able to experience something fresh together , which becomes a unified memory .

Intimacy is something that can be built in the little day to day tasks right through to those grand moments that can take your breathe away.

Let’s not get lazy with actively pursuing and romancing our partner. Feed your relationship with the stuff that is actually going to strengthen it beyond a sexual desire .


1 Comment

  • R says:

    Married 23 yrs, daughter going off to college so we will be empty nesters; wife feeling that she’s not number 1 anymore; how do I keep the fire lit between wife and I? I’m 54 in great health for sex but she said no sex until I come up with plan to make her number 1? I’m thinking try to date her again as I did B4 kids, thoughts?

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