Why saying you’re “fine” really means you aren’t.
The word “fine“ has become a common expression in our vocabulary, and habitually used when we are actually feeling the complete opposite.
It’s a word that can be so carefree, so final and so deeply layered at the same time. How many times have you caught yourself saying “I’m Fine” when in fact you are anything but? For women we sometimes say it to our men to either: test them, avoid an argument or perhaps suppress the true feelings inside.
The thing is men usually take what we say literally, and if you say you are fine when indeed you are not, they won’t necessarily see that, therefore the situation and your inner turmoil can’t be resolved.
What it means.
Two most common ways it’s used is when you are having an argument and one or the other ends it with a dramatic and resolute FINE! The second is when someone asks you what’s wrong and instead of answering them with details you just say ‘fine’.
In both situations it’s clear that nothing is solved and definitely nothing is fine and instead a whole lot of hurt is being left unsaid. Don’t be fooled in thinking that avoided arguments are actually going to resolve your underlying issues.
For women if we don’t get our feelings out, things can boil up and explode in a dramatic foray of colourful words and tears! Say what you need to say so that everything is laid out on the table and so your man knows exactly what he is dealing with (remember they aren’t mind readers!) Indifference is not necessarily better than conflict; speak your heart from a sober and calm mindset.
If you are dealing with depression or perhaps one of your friends or your partner is, look beyond their words and take note of their actions and mood. It’s understandable not wanting to always go into details about your problems, but a good way to look at it is: a problem shared is a problem halved.
Say it clearly
If you really aren’t OK, then it’s important to let the people in your world know. Whether it’s as simple as actually voicing to your partner how you really feel (even if comes out a little cray cray !) or if you are suffering depression and need professional help.
Friends and family can get busy with their own lives and forget to look at the details , so they might even miss the signs of your unhappiness and anxiety because you have already assured them 1000 times that your are “fine.”
There is no shame in reaching out, being honest and hitting the issues on the head. In fact, getting your feelings off your chest and out of your mind often helps you see a little clearer and feel a whole lot better.